I find I have new desires and goals. I have frustration of all I have spent from what I don’t have of these past months. I was at the end of myself again and again for many months and now I need to go pick up the things I have let go. Or – I get to is probably better put.
I am so ready and able to write a list of goals for 2009. And I just cried in my car that I don’t want my goals or lists for what good are they apart from Christ and His goals and plans He has for me? I want His goals and I think that He may be showing them to me because they are all around me, those things that I need to pick up again.
Part of the challenge is the transition. Change is always hard. Part of the problem is, as it says in Titus about how old people are to be – like dignified for one. I don’t want to be dignified all the time. I have certain childhood desires and I guess I will never get to fulfill them. Like being a baby and being taken care of and crying in my soup. But no, I get to be dignified.
I am trying to find motivation to do my studying right now for my final for one of my MBA classes. Previously it was so easy to use what I was learning at my job that I was in. Currently I hear the questions in my head people sometimes ask, “What are you going to use that for?” But I remember that God called me to this work and He has His own plans that I don’t need to fully know.
Also, I feel like I am unqualified, undeserving of the honor of getting the MBA and accomplishing this work. However, that doesn’t matter because I am going to be sensible (a favorite word how we are to be, from Titus) and dignified. A lot of people are supporting me with their time and efforts so I will do my part.
Life is hard. I was going to add, “but not impossible.” But actually, it is impossible. Jesus says, “For apart from Me you can do nothing.” Paul said, “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength.”
Transitioning out of my current job and getting another is a big deal, but God is faithful. “He will not test you beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will provide a way of escape so that you may bear up under it.”