Ordinary under His wing
My other blog - the one about diet and exercise, I'd encourage you to cruise over there for the latest entry because it meaningful to me in many ways, particularly about the faithfulness of God.
I feel like a woman singularly rowing across the Atlantic Ocean in a small row boat. I am not alone however, nor do I really feel alone, except sometimes. I'm alone in the boat, but there are helicopters above and swimmers next to me and birds in the air and dolphins jumping for glee. There is a big ship to the left and another up ahead. But I row and row and row and feel all alone sometimes, just until I look around and see a lot of supporters supporting me.
I do feel like I am on a mission. I do feel that it is important to number my days. The Bible says there is a book of remembrance (Malachi and Psalm) and I hope that God is getting everything down in His book and I want it to be good.
I feel that God has a course marked out for me, a race. I want to finish my course. I feel that I influence a lot of people around me but in a very, very subtle way, kind of like a food group (what made me think of a food analogy?) that nobody thinks about unless it were to be gone. But this food group isn't gone, so no one really thinks about it, that much, it terms of the influence.
I have a whole lot of extended relatives, none of whom know the Lord (except my grandma but she is kind of confused in her rudimentary faith) and I think that me and my family are on display for them to see. To see how Christ works in a family. To see how Christ works when one really believes. I feel that God blesses all of the people that I pray for.
I row and I row and I row and sometimes I do not know what else to do. Sometimes I can't get my mind to shut off. Well, actually, except when I fall asleep, I don't think my mind does shut off. But sometimes I think that other people's minds do shut off, or at least slow down, but mine doesn’t so much. My mood remains stable and calm, however, and thankfully, I am not mentally ill, unlike my patients.
I go. I mark out what I do and when I do it. I pray about as much as I can think of because I know that God marks out a course for us and He guides the steps of the righteous.
Okay. I guess that is enough for the spiritual update. .
There are a number of specific things that are happening in my life which are:
My hospital work as a psychiatrist is taking on greater importance as my children are growing up and as God is pushing me through that WIDE OPEN door that He has sprung WIDE OPEN for me. In a few weeks I will go to a program to learn ECT - shock treatments for patients. The Clinical Trials program in my hospital is slowly building. Our outpatient program is busy. As far as my practice outside of the hospital, I do forensic type evaluations and that is busy. I am expanding to see youth offenders in my private office because I have a heart for these broken people who could break me. But God protects and I don't have any false hopes of actually changing anyone.
Marriage is building. We just celebrated 23 years and my husband's card to me and mine to him were really sweet. We exchanged perfumes. There is a depth of love there from having survived the war together. We have hopes and dreams and meet every week to discuss them in our business meeting. Sometimes it feels like he speaks French and I speak Latin and we communicate by sign language that no one understands. I see a mess before me and ahead a fanciful dream that I have and he shares and step by baby step we move forward as God is laying down a plan. “Step here.”
My kids are being sent out as little reluctant missionaries for God. They want to go to their little Christian prep school and say their little Christian prayers when it is convenient and God wants to send them to Africa, so to speak. Everything is so comfortable for them with Mom and Dad who tends (tends?) to spoil them and coddle their every whim. Being comfortable and a normal can-be-lazy teen is a very dangerous place to be. Apathy runs through our house, our neighborhood and our nation. I pray for them and where God wants them to go and how He wants me not to be afraid or to stand in the way for what He is going to do in their lives. I am too afraid not to follow each thing that I feel that God is telling me to do in their lives. They are thriving. They are flailing. They are lifted up when they fall. God will work mightily in their lives. They all know Him. He has their hand on each one of them. My husband is trusting God for each of their lives. He is growing in faith bit by bit.
“My” Bible Study is set to begin September 11, 2006. Please pray that the right people would come, that everything would go well and God would meet us. I hope there is 6 - 8 women besides myself, and they are the right women God would choose and that they would do their homework and come each week and be faithful in that. And God would open up the time of 7-9 PM each Monday for ten weeks and bless us with the company of Himself and we would worship Him and see Him in our fellowship and in our individual prayer and study times before Him each week!
Meanwhile, I think that God is leading me to do a two year program to get an MBA degree (beginning Sept 2007) and develop more into a leader at work and in the healthcare industry. I want to do that too and am simply moving ahead because all lights say “GO!” so who am I too argue? I don’t want to be like Moses (“But I don’t know how to speak.) I want to be like Hannah (“Give me a son and I will dedicate him to You.”) The weakest part of who I am God is choosing to become strong in Him so that HE can be strong in me and do something for Himself. I want to obey and abide in that but I feel scared. But also really excited.
I am also exercising, but getting tired of it. However, it is truly a blessing to be able to exercise. I am not crippled or lame. Glory to God.
Blessings to you. Hope there was something in this for those who stuck it though to actually read it.
I love you!
Andrea - Ordinary under His wing -
Remember, we are sheep - not burden bearing animals. Do not carry that weight. Take Jesus' yoke upon you, for His yoke is easy and His labor is light and you will find rest for your souls. Don't go on in your own strength! Know the power of the risen Christ. Be found in Him, not having a righteousness of your own that comes form "the law" (doing things out of your own strength), but be found in Christ - casting all of your cares upon Him and trusting Him to carry you. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord God, the One who does not slumber or sleep, that He is FOR YOU! He is not against you! There is no, that's right NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus! So trust in Him and give up your own life. Jump in - the water is fine! And out of your being will come rivers of living water - the Holy Spirit in you!