I am at a Bible conference with the following people: Kay Arthur and Precepts Ministries with the following guests: Greg Laurie, James MacDonald, Chip Ingram, these other people whose names I don't remember. I get the same thing when I go to church though. The same songs and Bible Studies. That is refreshing, not that I get the same thing at home but that the same thing can be found in "big names" and people and places. (Not that Chattanooga is a big place. Do you know what State it is in?) I think what makes weekends like this so great is hour after hour of Bible Study on top of each other and lots of prayer and worship and prayer time and no other time to think of anything else except God.
But what good would it be if God didn't meet us here? What good would it be if You left us Lord? He is so kind. "What is man that You are mindful of him or the son of man that you care for him?" Can you believe it? He crowned us a little lower than God? I had to re-read that in Psalm 8. "A little lower than God?" Yes, that it what it read in my book. And through Jesus Christ that original glory can be restored unto us. And yet, who are we to claim it? Yet who are we to deny it, to deny God from using our bodies to do His will?
On the first morning of this three day weekend, we were in a prayer and the speaker asked us to bring to mind that which we had the hardest time believing God and trusting Him in our lives for. Well, right away, I thought of nothing, and I thought that I would keep myself open before God and I asked that He would bring to mind that which was the correct answer for my life. Before my mind came the clear impression - not of some secret sin that I needed Him to expose or some un-surrendered part of my life - but what came was the fact that I have the most trouble trusting Him in the area that He can/will use me in my career of psychiatry.
This impression was beautiful to me and the tears flowed down my eyes and rolled down my neck. It was precious because being this sort of person that God said of me was what fits for me and what I want to do too. Yet, I don't, or rather I didn't want to do that because it was, is, seems to be so limiting of the power of God. So vacant of His glory, so distant from His glorious word of the Bible. Yet now I know that like the servant who gave last minute discounts in Luke, that he was shrewd and in the same way, what seems worldly is not worldly because when the world's system of mammon fails, will there be spiritual friends made in heaven? Did you not know that he who is faithful in little is also faithful in much? God has called me to be faithful in a very little thing, being a doctor and advisor in the capacity of Medical Director of a hospital. If I will be faithful in this very little thing, then God knows that I will be faithful in a much bigger thing involving spiritual destinies and spiritual truths.
So I have given myself to my God to be used as He wants in whatever way He wants and however He wants. You know what is fun about being in Tennessee? (Hint, the name of the State.) I can praise the Lord and no one is watching me because nobody knows me here. Song after song after song. I can pray to God because I don't have anything else on my schedule. I can attend every session and then stop by the prayer table at the end because I'm not done yet.
This is what my heart has been burdened with. I am so burdened about my boss because I believe that she is really being attacked by the devil and is hardly equipped for it. Yet I know that these attacks are equipping from the Lord, if only she will stand. I have had the opportunity to witness to her before I left. I wrote her a note on what was like my prescription pad and had the verses on it: "and having done everything to stand, stand. Stand therefore..." and this verse: "Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." When I arrived from my flight to Nashville, I texted my boss that it was 106 degrees and a turbulent landing but that I was here and I thanked her, I guess for letting me leave as it is a rough time at the hospital. She texted me back and wrote me a little expression that was such a round about way of expressing a very sweet sentiment. I was so touched, and glad that she wasn't negative about my preaching, which she has never been but is welcoming of it.
That, of course is of God. And what else will God do, if only I believe? Well, I have believed – this imperfect broken pot holding the holy water of God. No, not even holding any water, rather rivers of living water, this is what I want. Oswald Chambers says that what God wants to do through you is not for you to hold but to observe as He passes rivers of His living water through you. And he says that if you are bitter and sour it is because God gave you a blessing that you hoarded rather than letting it flow through you to others. So, whether I am a broken pot or a broken vessel, all I know, by faith is that He is alive and therefore He has made me alive for Him.
I was reading a bit of Billy Graham's book that was written recently about his role with 11 Presidents and how he was a minister and counselor to those men. I think about what I have become in my role and how much I want to continue to have the sort of advisory role that I have and how much I love it. I wonder if God can continue to use me like this, and let me minister and counsel others who are bigger and more important than me to do their jobs.
I am worried, well, worried isn't the right word. I am troubled. No, that isn't right either. I am not actually worried or troubled, although many people around me are. Actually I can feel their panic. I am not worried when I look through what I presume are God's eyes and realize that troubles cause us to redirect our course of travel, to adjust where we would not otherwise adjust. Troubles allow our faith to grow as we can behold His deliverance. When we worry we learn that anxieties are to be laid at His feet and He can change our chemistry without side effects.
What has caused me to pray a lot (we'll just put it that way) is that our hospital may be in trouble and we have surveyors coming next week or the week after. I am praying the Lord will allow our hospital to be a wonder.
I have so much more to say, especially about my husband and family and how God is moving there, but I think this is enough for now.