Hi!

Well, the Bible Study went great. There were five women all together and there was good bonding and enthusiasm. God seems to be working! He is faithful but we need to wait for His time is what I have learned in that it has taken so long to get a Bible Study going, but He did put the desire in my heart to do it but I had to wait for Him. May He continue to do His work and I want to be still and let Him lead the way. There is more happening to follow with respect to our home owner's association and "soliciting" for future studies. I am keeping those issues in prayer.

Bradley's eye is so much better and the eye doctor says that he will have normal vision. He used to not be able to see the big E on the chart due to his eye injury after he shot himself in the eye with an air pellet gun a couple/few weeks ago. He said that he said it was an E because he remembered that the big letter is always an E. May God show him that He allowed the eye to be injured and He healed the eye and that God is in charge over his life and his life is not his own. May Bradly lovingly submit to God more and may God protect him from evil and from temptation.

The Alaska trip was amazing. The food experience was something else. More details on my other blog you can find at my dash board.

Well, I am just going to take a minute here. Sorry to lack background information if you haven't read every single blog that I have ever written (exageration) about some things and not much humor or expansion here - just dry bones I guess. I am trying to get on a bike and ride to the "club" for a 5:30 class, and then ride back. Then I want to get ready for dinner and go out with my husband and go to bed. Tomorrow, Lord willing, maybe I can do a yoga/pilates class, go to work, come home and do some paperwork that I need to do around the house, in between while connecting with the family as I do the paperwork at home. Family connection is important. That's why the dinner with husband! And it will be fun too.

I decided that my dream vacation is a trip around the world with my husband and maybe a nice couple that I know on a cruise ship lasting 3.25 months and am praying about it for 2014!!

May God bless all who have read this and may God bless them in that they would find something meaningful for their lives, in Jesus name, AMEN!

UPDATE at 7:05 PM: I didn't bike over to the club. I sent an email instead and time slipped away and I bearly got to the club in time for the class by car. I think that I was wrong for writing that I was going to bike over to the club and I think there was pride involved that tempted me to write it, even though at the time I thought that I was going to ride the bike and had planned it out and had aspirations to do it; but as I wrote the words, a tinge came over me not to write it, and then the tinge of pride came in and I wrote it anyway. Then I moved on to the next thing which was sending the email and looked at the time and realized that I had to get rushing to get to the class. I felt uncomfortable and wasn't sure why. I put together the above details about the temptation, pride and sin as I was driving to the club and I asked God for forgiveness, and prayed about the consequences and now here I am fixing it, and feeling a little foolish. See how temptation and sin works and how God "speaks" to us and how we can't ignore these silly little things because they are not silly at all. They are the patterns of our eternal souls.

I feel very tired from the exercise and I will wait and see what does or does not get done at the club tomorrow. I am sort of in the process of emptying my car, sticking a load of clothes in the wash and getting ready to go out with hubby. My children and husband are in a movie for a little while longer. (Journaling is fun. Journaling is fun. Journaling is fun. Well, for some of us it is!) God Bless You!

Accepting Grace

I don't appropriately receive what the Father has set apart as a gift for me in large part because I know I am undeserving - and, I was inconsistantly cared for as a youth.

"Father, At this moment I receive, with thanksgiving, Your enormous bounty of good things - that I was healthy in my mother's womb and that You chose to create me in the first place. Oh the volunes needed to list your goodness to me! Please don't stop blessing and caring for me. I need You desparately. I am like an open wound in that I had not been loved the way that I needed and now I don't know how to get past that. This "problem" affects me each day in the form of worry, poor choices and poor judgment and more. Help me to receive all that You have for me starting with accepting the REALITY and TRUTH that You love me and will never leave me or forsake me! You are THE PERFECT FATHER who perfectly provides for ME! Lord, Help my husband and I to be good stewards of our finances, starting with not being in spiritual bondage in ways we don't realize. FREE us by Your Son's truth and provision and make a great name for Yourself. Amen.

"I should record that"

I am on an Alaskan cruise and all is well and all is blessed. While I fret that I am not maintaining connections to my blogging friends by checking into their sites at a reasonable frequency, I am reminded the purpose for this blog - primarily as a record, a journal, to which I invite others along.

Today while getting a stone massage, and spending the time in prayer, I realized the burden and weight that I carry upon my shoulders with respect to my career.

I am a psychiatrist. First I sought to be a doctor. Then I became a Christian. Then I discounted psychiatry because I was taught about it's evil ways, so to speak. Then God clearly called me into psychiatry. Then God blessed me in this career in all measurable ways and continues to do so. It is a career that, I suppose that I love, with reservations.

The reservations. That's been a problem. I had not realized that God is IN the field of psychiatry. I suppose that I did not realize this because my first Pastor specializes in teaching it's evils. I suppose also because there are so many nonbelievers in the field and also because there is perversion and corruption in the field. Yet, it IS God's field, because He is the Creator of all things, and psychiatry is an assemblation of disorders, and a study of how to best treat those disorders.

I am a psychiatrist and I am doing what my Father has created me to do. "I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven" said Paul.

Father, take this weight off my back - the weight that lies and proclaims that I am less because I am a psychiatrist, that I am "a little disobedient" when I am not disobedient, that says that I should be ashamed when others should be ashamed when they judge me because they will have to stand before You with their false presumptions. Re-make my mind and lift this burden from satan. Enable me to fulfill Your glorious calling for me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Overwhelmed

Have you ever felt overwhelmed? When was the last time? I am overwhelmed because there is too much going on, too much lack of my own ability to control stuff and time is squeezing in. However, in all of these things we are more than conquerers through Him who strengthens us and who allows everything for our best interests. God is in control so I don't have to be. He is working out His eternal plan, and through all that I can not control, and can not do, Christ is making a name for Himself with all He can control and with all that He can do. So I will rest in Him. He has my back.

My son and I are going to the eye doctor today for the third time in four days. I am going to work this morning to finish up work before a ten day break. Whereas I used to be organized, I can't find the last bag of stuff I bought from the store. The women's neighborhood Bible Study begins Monday, June 26th, if I can figure out how to start the DVD....

God is making a name for Himself....Glory to Him for the things that He is going to do and that He is doing. May my children and family follow hard after Him. That is the most important thing.

Sometimes its hard being a positive person

I didn't sleep too well last night, but maybe better than I thought that I was going to. (-to catch up, read the last few blog enteries). I found it a little difficult to get going this morning with prayer and quiet time. But then I got going. I read in 2 Thessalonians 1:6-7 "For after all it is only just for God to ...give relief to you who are afflicted..."

About 7:30 AM I received an encouraging message from my friend. Later in the morning I recieved a pleasant sounding voice on my voice machine from the manager of our home owner's association. She helped me to feel calm and comforted and said that nothing more was going to come of this situation, even if she does get a complaint about solicitation. I'll spare you the details, but just know the call was a blessing.

Yet later in the morning I received another message. (I am actually letting the unknown calls go to voice mail since that wacko guy called yesterday.) The woman was very friendly and thanked me for the invitation and said that she definately wanted to participate in the Bible Study. We made arrangements for her to come over later and pick up a copy of the book. She lives almost directly across the street!

After I hung up the phone with her I was so happy that I think I cried, before I moved along quickly to the next thing. But for that moment, I sat with my head down and a thankful heart unto the Lord. I don't know if I will ever forget that feeling. I was going to have a Bible Study! I had one person enrolled! I felt thankful for what the Lord had done, truly thankful for His harvest.

At 11:15 I rushed off to pick up something to eat before an 11:30 meeting that I needed to be at. While waiting at line in KFC I was anxious about running late, but I got back by about 11:32, ready for the meeting. Then I was told the meeting was going to be rescheduled because the day had been really hectic. That was discouraging. I "announced" that I didn't like sudden changes like that because I am not a person who adjusts rapidly to changes like that, and I had structured my entire morning and thoughts around the fact that there was an 11:30 meeting. However, we decided to go ahead and rescedule the meeting, and I said that was fine as long as it is rescheduled for when I am gone next week!

Then a medical clerk said the nicest thing to me. Her voice sounded angelic has she said, "Sometimes its hard being a positive person." She was compasionate and sensitive without being mushy or making me feel worse by too much sensitivity - if there is such a thing. I wrote down the comment and put it in my back pocket and tonight I put it in my desk drawer and just re-read it.

About 1PM I received a call from another woman in the neighborhood who wants to join the Bible Study! Both women came over to the house tonight to pick up their books and they are lovely people.

My husband invited a Christian family over for dinner tonight. We had a really nice dinner. As I was cleaning up all the dark colored root beer bottles, I was so thankful to the Lord. I recalled in years past how our house was filled with partying people drinking too much alcohol and acting loud and drunk, much different than our evening tonight. How vexed in my soul I was doing those times and years.

Years ago the Lord encouraged me that my husband would become a believer one day, and after I believed the Lord, I continued to beg Him for my husband to be saved, but He had already promised and showed me that he would. My faith was weak, as were my knees and my spirits at that time.

Last night I was shaken becuase I didn't like how that guy was frightening to me on the phone and I questioned myself about what was going on, at least a little. Tonight it is like that short story of the rough seas is over as tonight it was like I was enjoying fish on the beach with the Lord Jesus Himself.

I am praying that the Lord would bring several more people into the home Bible Study so that there would be enough people to have a comfortable fit and feel to the group. I bless the Lord. Time for me to sleep. Good night. Exhale and sigh....

I just have a second!

Yesterday was very difficult. The day started out nice enough. I walked about 3 hours and passed out maybe 200 invitations around the neighborhood. Last night I got a disturbing and threatening phone call. The guy was livid and demanded that I go around the neighborhood and remove any remaining invitations. He told me that he was going to be filing a complaint with the association of homes because what I did was against the CC and R rules. He said that he had fellow neighbors who were very upset as well. I wrote the association, I requested prayers, I spoke with my husband and two good friends. This morning I prayed and read the Bible. So now I wait.

I posted two Bible Study informational signs on two community bulletin boards (one in a Bible book store and the other in our karate place).

I am praying that the thing with the association dissolves and is a non-issue. I am praying that the women who are supposed to join the study would join. I pray that I was be strong and courageous! I pray that maybe my church would sign on and allow this study to be done in association with the church, and offered through their bulletins after all.

Thank you for your prayers.

Quick Update!

Just checkin-in by way of internet phone 2 say I'm well. I'm passing out the Bible Study invites within 24 hrs. It's going well & I think the Lord is with me. Sorry I'm not over-the-top confident 'bout that but it is, after all, called "faith!"

Quite a Day

Well, I suppose it would seem more believable that I had "quite a day" if I had a good story to tell, like a tale of Job or something, but I don't. But it feels like "quite a day" anyway.

Three things are driving me to have a headache.

First, I am on call since yesterday at 8 AM and will be until tomorrow until 5 PM. Oh, and another thing before I even get to number two, why do I have to be the hero and when did we decide not to live just an ordinary life?

Second, last week, my daughter's violin teacher told me it was OKAY for my daughter to quit violin if she wanted. You don't understand. My father played professional violin all over the world and in the best orchestras including the New York Philharmonic. Currently, his brother is a first violinist in the New York Philharmonic Orchestra and has been, for like forty years. None of my other children play violin. This youngest daughter of mine was the one with the most potential. I almost cried as the instructor and I were talking about it. At my daughter's recital I came to terms with the fact that she is not going to be playing violin all over the world or all over the city or all over high school. Yeah, it is okay, but it is like the end of an era for me. Yeah, I shouldn't live through my kids, but, it happened. There, listening to the little violin recital last Saturday I thought that maybe I would give her my fathers huge boxes of a life time of music. But then should I save them? Should I sell them on Ebay? They are like a piece of my dad. But if I gave them to her, she may appreciate them, and at least be able to read them, and maybe even use them. What else should I do with them?

So today "we" tried out for the junior orchestra in our area, and she probably didn't make it, but she may have made it. If she didn't make it, I am going to let my daughter quit violin as early as the end of June if she wants.

Third, the church called and left a message (see yesterday’s blog entry). (he, he, did you ever hear a "church" talk?). The guy said that they're going to pass on the offer for me to advertise the Precepts Bible Study for the church to participate and not put it in the church bulletin. Immediately I thought, "I'm free," in that this is good news. I can do the Bible Study and I don't have to feel badly like I didn't offer it to them or didn't let them know, or whatever. And I followed up with them because they didn't follow up with me. I actually went to them twice. This time and then seven years ago.

The other day I told them that I thought that they should offer the study because they don't have an intensive ongoing study for women at all, which is the situation. For the past great number of years I have been going to outside "providers" that have been teaching me the word of God, in addition to the church’s Sunday services, and, if possible, this shouldn't be the case. I told them that and they said, "no thanks," so I am free. Like Paul who was free to go to the Gentiles with the gospel. God knows what He is doing, and He is not having me to do the study in association with my local church and that is okay.

Now the good news,

Zip back to the early part of the day. This morning I woke up to the music of Keith Green in my head. "Jesus commands us to go." It is about the fact that Jesus commanded us to go and make disciples. It is an exception if we don't go.

Yeah. That struck me. So this morning I had been feeling good about this. I listened to the song again and again and cracked up about how Keith spoke to me again, after all these years. My, God really used and continues to use him.

The Bible says that not many should presume to be teachers. I don't think wanting to teach for like 20 years, doing about 15 years total of regular Bible Study is presuming to teach. I am not an evangelist and I want to make disciples. I don’t have the gift of evangelism, or other stuff. I have mentored one woman since 1993, and I think God has used that as like a training situation for me. Like it says in Titus, I want to be an older woman who is teaching a younger woman to love her husband and children and help to show how to be busy at home.

So Jesus said , He commanded to go and make disciples.

One other thing, even though the church passed on the option of promoting the Bible Study to their church at large, when I first spoke with the Pastor about it he was very supportive and prayed for me and prayed a very supportive prayer, that God would open a door that no one can shut.

So my plan is to go forward with the study in my neighborhood, and let others know that Precepts has come to this area. Maybe I will put a small ad or informational piece in the paper using the promotional stuff that Precepts has provided. I am not advertising me. It is the study of God's word with Christian women, in a supportive environment, a study with Precepts - a great study - that women in the area need. So I am moving on, but I am also going to sleep and getting some zzzzz's now.

There is so much that I want to do in terms of stuff around the house. Well, it will wait.

Guess what? I am going on an Alaskan cruise in less than two weeks. My goals from now and then are to keep busy with work, to get some specific paperwork done and that is about it. And to keep busy with healthy exercise and healthy eating. That is about all the time I have to do stuff – oh also to do Bible Study and prayer every morning in a concerted way, about an hour, if possible. I would also like to complete a project with the hundreds of picture that I took on this last trip, if I could just figure out how to download.....

During the trip I plan to do Bible Study and have a “exercise vacation” and do lots of exercise! And eat and study for my upcoming board re-certification exam. Then in July I go to Tennessee! I am make myself dizzy. I need to SLEEP! Good night! God bless! I feel better now. Are you familiar with the verse, “encourage yourself in the Lord” and “let each one bear his own burden.”