The last post I wrote I mentioned a Fleetwood Mac song, and I looked it up on Napstar. As I was trying to find the one of 500 selections from the Fleetwood Mac people, I ran through their old album, "Tusk" and noticed all of the songs listed there on that album.
So last week I asked my husband to please download that onto the Ipod Shuffle that I won at a raffle at Christmas, and he willingly did so because he is nice like that.
So I was on the plane flying to go get two of my kids from their boarding school to take them home for Spring break, and I was listening to the songs from the "Tusk" album.
Well, I hadn't heard those songs since I was about 17 years old and the memories that they brought back! Not only memories but the song brought me back to the frame of mind that I had back then. It was kind of weird. Kind of wierd how the brain works!
Anyway, one of the songs goes, "Could you really love me?" and "Could it really, really be me?" It was an optimistic song and it brought me to where I was when I was 17 and I was like too afraid to even dream that things could be...well, even okay back when I was 17!
I was really unhappy for quite a while in my childhood and the hardest part probably was the lack of hope! I didn't know that things could (and would!) be better. I didn't know that I could dream. That there were such things as dreams, and that yes, it could really be me.
So I was sitting on the plane on that window seat (I do not prefer windows, because I prefer isles so I can go to the bathroom whenever I want. But my loving husband got the seat for me, becuase he helps me out more and more these days, and that is nice that he thought I would want a window). The window seat turned out to be good, because a window seat is actually much more private. I turned towards the window as though I were looking out (but didn't look out because who wants to see that you are "floating" suspended 30,000 feet - it is a long way to fall). Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat there is my little world. 17 years old again and almost 45 years old, all in the same brain. Two places as the same time.
Who would have dreamed! Yes, my husband does love me! God has taught him to learn to love me and he is loving me more and more and I am learning how to receive that love. Yes, he could love me. And yes, it could really be me. And he has been with me since I have been 18 years old.
When I was 17, I would never, no-not-ever, have dreamed that I would be a doctor and not only make it to medical school but through medical school and to where now I am on the faculty of a medical school and have served as Acting Medical Director for the hospital where I work and am the Chair of the Board of Trustees where I work. That I would head up a doctor's meeting like I did last week, telling a group of about 12 doctors who may and may not speak and who is and is not out of order.
"Could it really be me?" Tear. Well yes, it could.
And not only would I never have even dared to dream that I would be a doctor, but I would never have dared to dream that my children would be nearly 4.0 students and that my daughter is on the brink of maybe getting accepted into a accelerated program for high school students who get a combined BS and MD degree. That really blows me away. I know that it hasn't happened yet, and stories about your own kids do get boring, and success stories do get boring, but as I was sitting on that plane, as my tears that I wiped alternately with my hands and alternately with my green sleeves, I was not bored. I was overwhelmed. "Could you really love me? And could it really, really be me? over and over, could it really, really be me?"
The contract was the next song that came on. "You're never gonna make it, make it, make it, baby!" That was so funny because that was the funny joke everyone used to tell me, from my sixth grade teacher to my mother to my brother to my cousins. I would say, "and my friends," but I didn't have many. And do you know what? Sometimes people don't want to hear success stories. Yeah, it's true. Sometimes people want you to sit in your own crap and they can laugh while you try to figure out how you got here and how you can get out. "You're never gonna make it, make it, make it baby!" ha, ha, ha.
"Humble yourself before the mighty hand of the Lord and He will lift you up in due time."
And from a song, "He makes all things beautiful in His time."
And God receives all the glory. And to Him I freely give, what I did nothing to earn. Freely I have receieved, freely I give. And it continues to be an honor to work for Him.