I told my mom

My mom frequently says things like, "I don't see how you did it!" Once she said with almost tears in her eyes and with an intense stare, "I know that God has worked in your life to cause you to do the things you do. I know that." My spirit was rejoicing with hope, even that maybe she could became saved, to know the Savior. Then a few days later she said, "You're a taurus. I think that is why you have done the things you have." (The bird cames a steals the seed....)

One of the first times I took her to church she said something about, "there is something about this place, and about God that I don't understand, " and she said it in such a way that made me think God was pulling at her heart. Another time I shared the gospel with my mom and prayed with her the sinners prayer. Right after the prayer she said some unrelated thing which showed me that the prayer did not register with her at all.

When I first became a Christian, she was really stuck on wanting to know if I was "reborn." She would ask, "Are you a "re-born Christian? Are you a re-born Christian? Are you a re-born Christian?'" while she followed me all around the little house that she lived in at the time. I was a little intimidated. Then there is the time she called me and said she had the most wonderful conversation with someone she met who was a Christian like I was, and I'd realize God was pulling on her heart strings again.

When I visit my Mom - who lives about 7 hour car drive away - my beautiful plaque is sitting out that reads, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man, that which God will do for those who love Him," and by her nightstand is the "Woman's Bible" that I bought her, but I am afraid that it is only for decoration. The colors match the room type thing.

Oh well. God isn't done working. BTW, she is 72. She needs to let go. One time she called and seemed all guilty and afraid, "I shouldn't have ignored you like I used to when you were little." Then, instead of appologizing and moving on, accepting the forgiveness of God, she adds, "but you know it was because of...." God is calling and calling but she isn't getting it. Men don't like the light because it shows the evil in their deeds, and she doesn't want to say she is sorry. To God, about everything. But she doesn't realize the goodness of God.

That was like my husband. He was so burdened with his guilt, and didn't realize God's love was greater than his guilt and shame and He was able to absorb it. He wasn't ready to beat him up. And, get this, I wasn't ready to control him (oh Lord, is that why you let me stretch out like taffy for 19 years, so when he did become a Christian I wouldn't use it like a method of control and manipulation over him?)

Hebrews 5:2 says that God knows how to deal gently with the ignorant and misguided." God knew how to gently reign in my husband over many, many years, and slowly he is being transformed most remarkably.

So anyway, getting back to what I wanted to speak about, I was talking with my mom the other day, for like two hours. About an hour into the conversation, I thought that it would be a good idea to spring the thought that we are adopting an older child, so she can kind of freak-out less later. So I told her. I mean, how can you ease into something like that. Kind of like jumping off a cliff, just got to do it.

Right away she was anxious and pressure was in her voice and she spoke about the things that could be harmful to my other children. I agreed with her concerns, because I do. After about 3 minutes, as I let her express her concerns, she began to change, and I heard a side of her that had been dormant so many years that I never knew existed. She spoke of when she was little and used to like reading about St. Francis, and tried to be a very good citizen. She shared her mittens with those who had none. She spoke of how her family set the example for her as they used to feed the family without food.

Then my mom spoke of a little boy that her father developed a strong attachment to, who happened to be Irish, and had an alcoholic father and a nice, but sort-of bland and uninvolved, who happenend to be obese, mother. (My mom skippied the words, "happenend to be - she wasn't trying to be insensitive, just descriptive, I guess.) My grandfather had this boy over for the holidays. My mom describes that one Christmas he came over and my grandfather bought him a watch. Not a little present. When he was 18 he went into the army "and became a good military father." He ended up having five children, and after each child was born he would come over to my grandfather's house and show off his pride and joy to the man my grandfather came to be to him - his role model. (When we were in the car the other day (we're in the car a lot) my husband and I were talking about Matt and my husband described himself as that he was going to be Matt's "role model." Isn't that precious?)

So, I started seeing a different side of my mom when I kept letting her talk on the phone. A side of her that has pity. She then elaborated that she wants to help others, and it would be good to help a child like the one we wanted to adopt, "but you never know what's going to happen."

So, what will happen? Let me take a stab at it. The seed will be stolen, so to speak, and Mom will be very anxious about Matt. But after a while, or at some point, she will like him and have pity upon him. Then, after a few years she will say, "Andrea, I don't know how you did it. God was really with you. Or, maybe it is because you are a taurus and Matt is a .." and she will mention whatever sign he is ( - I don't care, and in fact try not to follow astrological sign information (due to ungodly roots) or football for that matter (because I want to remain ignorant about some things that don't matter to me anyway). Pray for my mom, Rose! I'll tell you about my Grandma sometime.