Cut to the Chase update and a note on being a lioness

Okay - here's the low down as to what I've been up to.

Been so busy at work because three doctors are gone, and was frustrated that three or four nights this week I had to go back to the hospital to finish up my work. On the other hand, I did sneak away for two 3 hour blocks to go to the club exercise! (How fun is that?)

Anyway, last night I was so frustrated because I have been trying for several weeks to plan out the two and a half week trip that I am taking with my oldest daughter in May. So, last night (Friday), I realized that Saturday morning I actually could "sneak" and do nothing, so I began working on the travel plans last night about 9 PM and stayed up until 5 AM and did it! I listened to CD's and the radio which actually played great songs and ate chocolate off my diet for a little personal celebration that I was having with myself. Then I went to bed and slept until 9:45 AM. I finished up most of the travel details and blogged, and now I am going back to sleep (about 1:15 PM) and plan to sleep about three hours. (My hubby is with the kids today doing basketball stuff today).

The trip begins in North Dakota and travels by car through South Dakota, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, back to ND. Then, on a train through Montana, Idaho, Washington State, and then Canada (BC) for a two day respite. Then back on the train through Wash, Oregon and then back home to California.

We got three "Great Courses" on CD - college courses that you can buy on CD. The topics are a science overview, the history and development of the English language and Shakespeare commentary stuff.

Meanwhile, we decided not to have my youngest go to the school referenced two blog entries ago, but to wait until the following year. My oldest daughter is doing SO well, she has an incredible number of awards coming in. I am so proud of her. I am her secretary for her college prep stuff – LOVE IT! The boys are doing really well also, thanks for praying for Bradley (for those of you who remember that previous entry). God has great plans for Bradley (and the other kids He gave me). Bradley's job this summer is to read at least two hours per day this summer. (HE has agreed, because he has the rest of the time free. He is a fantastic reader, but I haven’t been able to get him to read much these past two years.) I got his library stack of books that I chose for him. Great Christian books (biographies, purity, prayer), and other great literature books and historical books (The Fall of the Roman Empire (3 volumes)).

Brandon, my littlest is starting speech therapy next year because he hasn't gotten his "r's" right despite my best efforts, and that is a blessing so have that set up, because I have been worried about that.

Husband is...great. A great prayer of mine was answered regarding him in my life. He spent two hours in a coffee shop last week with a Christian man who is a good friend of his. "What did I miss?" you may be thinking. Well, I'll tell you in heaven – or he will! Don't want to gossip, or feel uncomfortable talking about him in a way that I would feel embarrassed if he were to see. Just know this. God fulfills His promises and He is sovereign, and he can change the king's heart like a faucet, any way He desires. (This is not an invitation to share your theological perspective regarding predestination versus “free will,” unless you agree with me! Hehe.)

Acting Medical Director is going really well and is fun. However, I feel "attacked" (spiritually - for we battle not against flesh and blood) by one particular person at the hospital that seems to have a recurring pattern of throwing out darts in my direction. Help me to love and pray for her as I ought, and for God to protect me and establish His will in my life for His purposes and that I would walk in that with the confidence of a heart of a lioness. (There is a verse in Samuel about a courageous one having a heart of a lion). For the Lord’s purposes are not thwarted. Also, that I would be like Daniel, where his opposers/enemies could find no cause against him, except that he prayed to God in an open window, but that there wouldn’t be such opposition either. That God’s purpose for me I would walk in the way that Moses walked across the Red Sea. God says “go,” and I would hear the Shepard’s voice and I would go and He would open my path before me, according to His great and predestined path that He established before the foundation of the planet, that He knows, that He would have me to walk in, whatever it is. (Amen!)

I love you in the Lord yall! So glad you're interested.

The Real Me???

Ahhhhh! A keyboard and a blank page and time enough to fill it up. I'm in heaven - well, that is an earthly expression, isn't it....

"Our Heavenly Father: Thank you for my blog friends. Thank you for these real people who love you and seek you. Write with me and think with me. Let me yield my heart and desire to You for You are my God and I want to rest there, in the shadow of Your wing."

This week I got to be Acting Medical Director at the psychiatric hospital where I work and I love that. I get to do it for about two more weeks until the regular medical director gets back. He has never taken more than a few days off in the three years that he has worked at the hospital and then took this time off to do something secret. I am hoping that he is lining up his next job and that he quits and then I can get his job.

I feel like Abraham Lincoln. That is SO grandiose, don't you think? I mean, most people who apply for various positions and fail don’t compare themselves to one of our greatest, super famous presidents. But I do. Let me explain, if this reasoning is even explainable, that is.

I got a lot of jobs and positions over the years, but I remember the ones I didn't get. So I will focus on those. When I was 24 I tried to get a job to organize the medical student's lecture notes and I didn't get the job. Then I tried to be secretary of a little group of students during that same first year of medical school but someone else got the position. (Okay, I'm losing my audience now...boring...)

As a third year resident I wanted to be a leader of this special student government thing and I didn't get it. Then I wanted to be chief resident (really, really, really badly) and I didn't get that either, even though I had two shots at it.

Earlier this year I was nominated to be president of the medical staff at the hospital where I worked. 12 people voted. The only people who voted for me were the person who nominated me and me.

I have wanted to lead a Bible Study for approximately 154 years now (not a typo). That door has never been opened to me either (except the first couple of years after I was a Christian.) Currently, our pastor (who seven years ago said, “no, thank you”) is deciding whether to open up a Bible class I want to lead up to the church. So that leadership position is hanging in the balance.

I just bought three new audio CD's from a Christian lecturer, all on "Leadership." I dusted off an old leadership book I bought about 13 years ago, that I read and re-read and has all kinds of my notes in it. I thought that I would re-read it. It is called, "Transforming Leadership - Jesus' Way of Creating Vision, Shaping Values and Empowering Change."

Let me carry on a few more minutes, if you wouldn't mind the self-indulgence. My favorite part of my children's Sponge Bob movie is when Sponge Bob thinks FOR SURE that he is going to be promoted to the new Crusty Krab manager's position. He goes about the sea singing, "I'm ready, promotion" (BTW, you should see our family collection of Sponge Bob "I'm ready, promotion" mugs we got from you know who for Christmas.) Sponge Bob prepares his acceptance speech and when the announcer says, "Squidward Tenticles" gets the new job, Sponge Bob (who has 355 consecutive Employee of the Month Awards - my kind of guy) jumps up and shouts "YYYEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and proceeds to the microphone to make his speech, never registering the fact that he did not get the job.

Well, that's me. Abraham Lincoln failed at getting, how many jobs, but he didn't seem to get it that he didn't get the job.

Meanwhile, I painted the walls of my home library, so all of my framed diplomas and plaques and stuff that arrogant doctors like to collect were taken down. ME, I decided to put them in a box and not hang them back up on my home office wall because I might need them for when I get hired as the new Medical Director of the Hospital. Currently, I am not sure where to store the box in my house, while I am waiting for the new big promotion.

Why do I even want the job? Why do I not want the job is the question. Well, it goes way back. You see, I was born 18 months behind my little brother. I mean of course, my older brother, of whom I have always been fiercely competitive. He, is actually extremely successful and has actually become pretty wealthy as a big CEO type business man, because we are both the way we have always been - COMPETETIVE.

Now, I try not to act competitive. I try to continually remind myself over and over and over again until it is monotonous in my mind as I remind myself over and over and over to "NOT BE SO COMPETETIVE!!!!!"

Having four children in five years (a little thing I decided to do at the last minute, ""I think I'll try to have four children in five years," I decided one day as I neared the end of medical school) has helped me loosen up. Really putting Christ first and my husband and my kids right behind has really helped my to learn to be good and play nice. Realizing that GOD IS IN CONTROL AND NOT ME has helped me to be a nice and friendly person, because otherwise I think I would have become a bitter uptight witch, which I didn't become, since Christ was in control of my life these last twenty years....

So, anyway, there you have it. I was going to say, the "other side of me," but I should more aptly say, "The real side of me."

What do you think? Do you think that the medical director will quit and I could have his job? The job was actually available about four years ago but it was not the right time for me because my kids were too little.

Even though I was not voted "President of the medical staff," I (think) for various reasons that I am actually in the best position to get the medical director job if that should happen to become available.

"I'm ready, Promotion, I'm ready, Promotion..."

(You're Crazy, Andrea....)

I'm pretending that I don't really care one way or the other about it, or about the fact that I got to sign a paper yesterday that said, "Acting Medical Director” but I let it slip and said a joke to someone about it that showed a bit of my “real side.” I said it to a psychiatrist. Do you think he picked it up?

I actually really only want God’s will. Really.

“Trust and Obey for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey.”

Occupy 'til He comes

FYI-I am editing this post a bit (editing after the first two comments were posted).

My family has been gone this week, in part for me to catch up on things. My husband has spent time with two kids and relatives in Southern California and then he went east to spend Easter with two of our other children. My little two kids are coming back tomorrow. They are at Grandma's, which is a good opportunity because it isn't too common of a thing that they spent much time there.

Anyway, Thursday PM, I spent my time as follows: 2:30 - 3:15: prayer; 3:15 - 4:00: telephone fellowship with a close friend; 4:00 - 5:30: nails done and dinner while reading an inspirational book about my kids school; 5:30 - till who knows when: singing and playing hymns on the piano before the Lord. I was singing the song (I have an absolutely dreadful voice and it is an octave too low, but the Lord loves it) "I need Thee every hour," and I thought about the weakest and most difficult time in my whole life that occurred when I was a little girl and cried and cried. I kept thinking that I can handle that pain now and not try to deflect it, and just feel it like I wished I could have felt it then - strong and able to handle it. At that time I couldn't handle it and it broke me then, but God has saved the pieces and He has been healing me because He is a wonderful Healer and healing is important to Him because we are important to Him. Then I took a spa Jacuzzi and looked at the clouds in the sky. I saw the clouds move from two patches to a duck bending over the course of about ten minutes. Then I went to bed.

Yesterday (Friday), I spent time opening up 148 new email messages. I checked off a number of things on my list of other things that I needed to do. Then I saw on my list about preparing the poster that I wanted to make using some previous entries on this blog. So that is what I did next. Meanwhile, I was listening to two songs on Napster, "Because of you," and "I will survive." I started writing down the words that were most meaningful to me (those words follow below). It brought me back to the night before.

On the poster that I created I have five writings. The center writing is the poem "Purpose II." (3/27) (If you want you can go back and check these writings out.) To its left is the writing "The widow (with nothing to give" – I changed it a little). (3/24) To its right is the "About Me," from this blog's main page about being an "ordinary Christian." On the bottom of the poster is the "Undeserving Ox" (3/12) and in tiny little font are the excerpts listed below:

“Because of you” – excerpts from the song (with some adjustments)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

I learned my way
And it wasn’t long before you pointed out
All the problems with that way
You wanted me to force a smile, a laugh and say that everything was all right
But you didn’t care how I felt inside at all
Only that your picture was the way it should look on the outside
And you were so hurt that I didn’t make you feel the way you meant for me to

I heard you cry
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your own pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night over the same damn thing

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only you but everyone else around me
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I’m ashamed of my life because I am broken inside
I think it must be my fault because you said it really wasn’t so bad
Because of you I am afraid

“I will survive” –excerpts from the song (with some adjustments)

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking that I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
Somebody new
I’m not that same little girl
So frightened of you

Weren’t you the one who tried to break me deep inside?
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me?
Then you wanted me to protect you with my lies?
Did you think I’d crumble?
Did you think I would lay down and die?
Oh no not I,
I will survive

As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
I will survive

But I remember how it was
I remember the lies
I see the truth
And though I still protect you
I will not forget
Because I must survive
I will survive
I found the pieces of my broken heart
And I will survive
Yeah, I will survive

This poster encapsulates my whole life and sets me up for the rest of my life. I am the Lord's. No where else to go. No where else I wanna go. I will rest in the shadow of His wings. Forever. Meet you in the sky on that great day..........Till then "Occupy 'til He comes." And just watch what He is going to do with a life that is fully yielded to Him…though I will make mistakes, He will carry me still. Come with me, my friends. Let’s go together. Carry on the will of the Lord…..!

I've been focused!

I've been praying for yall. How have yall been?

The Lord may be calling my youngest daughter to the boarding school that my other two older children are currently attending. Oh the anguish! Oh the excitment of what God will do! "The Lord will withhold no good thing from he who seeks Him." I seek Him.

It's just like a heavy weight when I think about it - unless I crawl out from where I'm not supposed to be. "Come unto me all you who are weak and heavy-laden for my burden is easy and my yoke is light," says Jesus. Please pray for God's perfect and splendid will.

On another note, the Pastor is considering all the Bible study materials and whether to open a study out of my home that I would lead for the women in the church. Pray God would demonstrate His will and give insight to Rich as to what the Lord wants to do in women's ministry at our church. Thanks! I miss yall and hope to get on the old cream colored box soon!