Occupy 'til He comes

FYI-I am editing this post a bit (editing after the first two comments were posted).

My family has been gone this week, in part for me to catch up on things. My husband has spent time with two kids and relatives in Southern California and then he went east to spend Easter with two of our other children. My little two kids are coming back tomorrow. They are at Grandma's, which is a good opportunity because it isn't too common of a thing that they spent much time there.

Anyway, Thursday PM, I spent my time as follows: 2:30 - 3:15: prayer; 3:15 - 4:00: telephone fellowship with a close friend; 4:00 - 5:30: nails done and dinner while reading an inspirational book about my kids school; 5:30 - till who knows when: singing and playing hymns on the piano before the Lord. I was singing the song (I have an absolutely dreadful voice and it is an octave too low, but the Lord loves it) "I need Thee every hour," and I thought about the weakest and most difficult time in my whole life that occurred when I was a little girl and cried and cried. I kept thinking that I can handle that pain now and not try to deflect it, and just feel it like I wished I could have felt it then - strong and able to handle it. At that time I couldn't handle it and it broke me then, but God has saved the pieces and He has been healing me because He is a wonderful Healer and healing is important to Him because we are important to Him. Then I took a spa Jacuzzi and looked at the clouds in the sky. I saw the clouds move from two patches to a duck bending over the course of about ten minutes. Then I went to bed.

Yesterday (Friday), I spent time opening up 148 new email messages. I checked off a number of things on my list of other things that I needed to do. Then I saw on my list about preparing the poster that I wanted to make using some previous entries on this blog. So that is what I did next. Meanwhile, I was listening to two songs on Napster, "Because of you," and "I will survive." I started writing down the words that were most meaningful to me (those words follow below). It brought me back to the night before.

On the poster that I created I have five writings. The center writing is the poem "Purpose II." (3/27) (If you want you can go back and check these writings out.) To its left is the writing "The widow (with nothing to give" – I changed it a little). (3/24) To its right is the "About Me," from this blog's main page about being an "ordinary Christian." On the bottom of the poster is the "Undeserving Ox" (3/12) and in tiny little font are the excerpts listed below:

“Because of you” – excerpts from the song (with some adjustments)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

I learned my way
And it wasn’t long before you pointed out
All the problems with that way
You wanted me to force a smile, a laugh and say that everything was all right
But you didn’t care how I felt inside at all
Only that your picture was the way it should look on the outside
And you were so hurt that I didn’t make you feel the way you meant for me to

I heard you cry
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your own pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night over the same damn thing

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only you but everyone else around me
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I’m ashamed of my life because I am broken inside
I think it must be my fault because you said it really wasn’t so bad
Because of you I am afraid

“I will survive” –excerpts from the song (with some adjustments)

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking that I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
Somebody new
I’m not that same little girl
So frightened of you

Weren’t you the one who tried to break me deep inside?
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me?
Then you wanted me to protect you with my lies?
Did you think I’d crumble?
Did you think I would lay down and die?
Oh no not I,
I will survive

As long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
I will survive

But I remember how it was
I remember the lies
I see the truth
And though I still protect you
I will not forget
Because I must survive
I will survive
I found the pieces of my broken heart
And I will survive
Yeah, I will survive

This poster encapsulates my whole life and sets me up for the rest of my life. I am the Lord's. No where else to go. No where else I wanna go. I will rest in the shadow of His wings. Forever. Meet you in the sky on that great day..........Till then "Occupy 'til He comes." And just watch what He is going to do with a life that is fully yielded to Him…though I will make mistakes, He will carry me still. Come with me, my friends. Let’s go together. Carry on the will of the Lord…..!