Seeing what is unseen
I love the Lord. Over the past week or two, I have come to understand in another new way that God chose me to be a psychiatrist and he chose to work through me while I do that, and a lot of stuff associated with that, and I didn't realize that God works through the unseen forces in the administration of this earth, that He wants to enter those realms through me, through the possession of my body by the Holy Spirit. I didn't realize that if I wanted to serve the Lord, I could do it, that the Lord could do it, while I was sitting in a board room with six other doctors and a couple of administrators of a hospital and not while evangelizing on the streets or singing hymns in the church. I came to understand this, not in an intellectual sort of way, because I knew this for many years, but in a deep abiding and more profound way. In a way that allowed me to know God more, like I saw a glimpse of Him in a mirror that He held up for a few moments.
You see, I love the Lord and I have wanted to serve Him for many years, I mean really serve Him, and how could that REALLY be done if I was spending all my time working or doing this that and the other and not having time to really devote to God?
So I prayed and waited and yearned to really be involved in God's work and He never opened any doors for that. He never really gave me the gifts or ability to evangelize or just open my mouth and talk about things of the Lord to people, like some people can do, - they can namedrop so easily, but me, I didn't have any of that ability.
Then for over 20 years I have had a problem that was almost a crisis, that I cried out to God about again and again, but still he never fixed the problem. Then I realized that I was not praying in accord with God's will, I was praying in a way that I thought was “OBVIOUSLY” God's will, but I was missing His will. I assumed what was OBVIOUS was His will, but His ways are above my ways, and He does on the earth everything that He wants according to His sovereign will and wisdom and is under the direction of no person.
So, anyway, last week the Pastor spoke on Romans chapter 8 about how sometimes when we pray we don't pray according to His Holy Spirit, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groans. The Spirit intercedes for us and prays correctly, even when we do not pray correctly. But as we grow in the Lord, we are to become more in tune with the Spirit and be praying more in accord with His will.
So I had already been reflecting about why God had not been answering my prayers in a certain important matter. I realized that I had learned a lot during the time of unanswered prayer, such as His grace that is sufficient, such that I can not hope in the worlds riches and it was my tendency to do so. But it seemed that there was more that God was trying to show me.
God didn't want to fix my problem because He wanted to enter into the problem Himself, by His Spirit, into the hidden realm of a secret administration in the hidden places on earth, the spiritual dimensions of every day interactions, like where governments and nations dwell, that hidden economy.
He hadn't answered my prayer in part because there were spiritual barriers. The devil had his strong desire not to let the Lord's spirit through this vessel enter into the hidden areas of administration. He hadn't answered my prayers in part because I wasn't mature in that God wasn't done using those problems to conform me to His will and to the image of His Son. He hadn't answered my prayers yet because I was not praying according to His will. He hadn't answered my prayers because "this kind only come out by prayer and fasting." He hadn't answered my prayers because I didn't realize that God wanted me to spend a huge amount of my time and focus upon and in exactly these problem areas that I thought God had to hurry up and fix because He wanted that to be part of my ministry where He would work in and through me - not through being an evangelist, not through being a missionary, or a Bible Study Leader or an author or a “saint” of God, but a "secular" (HA!) administrator with my husband in a secular world doing a secular job.
"God, my Father, I LOVE YOU! Not the things that You do for me. Not the things that You give me. Not to show my friends how spiritual I am. Not to show off to my friends how much You use me! I know that You use me because I LOVE YOU and I am so happy that I know YOU better!"
Oh, that was how God "broke through" to me. I was reading Oswald Chambers one day, I think entry of April 26, and it asked about if we want our problem fixed or did we want to know God better. I repented and told God that I was sorry, but for all these years, I just wanted this problem fixed and I was more concerned about fixing the problem that I was about knowing God. Then it happened. Then I came to know God better. I learned that God is VERY LARGE and that He is IN and wants to be IN a lot of stuff that seems ordinary, but He wants to possess it, like a vessel and get His strong hold into that ordinary thing so then He possesses a byway that used to be the devil's but now belongs to the Lord.
Dear Father, Thank You for using the foolish things and the weak things, thank You for using Me! I want my treasure in heaven. I want to be used by You WHEREVER and HOWEVER You want me. I am Yours. How dare I proclaim or ASSUME how You ought to use me! Should the clay demand to the Potter? Lord, You revealed my sinful nature and absolute boldfaced arrogance that I presumed to know better than You how to use me and how to pronounce me to the world. What is the world anyway? Everything is Yours, Master, and I am Yours too, and I love You. I am not worthy to untie Your sandals and let me never forget it. Give me Your eyes of humility. Let me see the greatness of God and the weakness of me and let me worship You in whatever form I find myself in. Thank You that You are able to guard what I have entrusted to You. Thank You that You have supplied all of my needs and that You are a good Father and are kind. Your heart is broken at our pain, but You see the big picture and that is why You are God and we are not. Thank You for taking care of me all of these years. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.
You see, I love the Lord and I have wanted to serve Him for many years, I mean really serve Him, and how could that REALLY be done if I was spending all my time working or doing this that and the other and not having time to really devote to God?
So I prayed and waited and yearned to really be involved in God's work and He never opened any doors for that. He never really gave me the gifts or ability to evangelize or just open my mouth and talk about things of the Lord to people, like some people can do, - they can namedrop so easily, but me, I didn't have any of that ability.
Then for over 20 years I have had a problem that was almost a crisis, that I cried out to God about again and again, but still he never fixed the problem. Then I realized that I was not praying in accord with God's will, I was praying in a way that I thought was “OBVIOUSLY” God's will, but I was missing His will. I assumed what was OBVIOUS was His will, but His ways are above my ways, and He does on the earth everything that He wants according to His sovereign will and wisdom and is under the direction of no person.
So, anyway, last week the Pastor spoke on Romans chapter 8 about how sometimes when we pray we don't pray according to His Holy Spirit, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groans. The Spirit intercedes for us and prays correctly, even when we do not pray correctly. But as we grow in the Lord, we are to become more in tune with the Spirit and be praying more in accord with His will.
So I had already been reflecting about why God had not been answering my prayers in a certain important matter. I realized that I had learned a lot during the time of unanswered prayer, such as His grace that is sufficient, such that I can not hope in the worlds riches and it was my tendency to do so. But it seemed that there was more that God was trying to show me.
God didn't want to fix my problem because He wanted to enter into the problem Himself, by His Spirit, into the hidden realm of a secret administration in the hidden places on earth, the spiritual dimensions of every day interactions, like where governments and nations dwell, that hidden economy.
He hadn't answered my prayer in part because there were spiritual barriers. The devil had his strong desire not to let the Lord's spirit through this vessel enter into the hidden areas of administration. He hadn't answered my prayers in part because I wasn't mature in that God wasn't done using those problems to conform me to His will and to the image of His Son. He hadn't answered my prayers yet because I was not praying according to His will. He hadn't answered my prayers because "this kind only come out by prayer and fasting." He hadn't answered my prayers because I didn't realize that God wanted me to spend a huge amount of my time and focus upon and in exactly these problem areas that I thought God had to hurry up and fix because He wanted that to be part of my ministry where He would work in and through me - not through being an evangelist, not through being a missionary, or a Bible Study Leader or an author or a “saint” of God, but a "secular" (HA!) administrator with my husband in a secular world doing a secular job.
"God, my Father, I LOVE YOU! Not the things that You do for me. Not the things that You give me. Not to show my friends how spiritual I am. Not to show off to my friends how much You use me! I know that You use me because I LOVE YOU and I am so happy that I know YOU better!"
Oh, that was how God "broke through" to me. I was reading Oswald Chambers one day, I think entry of April 26, and it asked about if we want our problem fixed or did we want to know God better. I repented and told God that I was sorry, but for all these years, I just wanted this problem fixed and I was more concerned about fixing the problem that I was about knowing God. Then it happened. Then I came to know God better. I learned that God is VERY LARGE and that He is IN and wants to be IN a lot of stuff that seems ordinary, but He wants to possess it, like a vessel and get His strong hold into that ordinary thing so then He possesses a byway that used to be the devil's but now belongs to the Lord.
Dear Father, Thank You for using the foolish things and the weak things, thank You for using Me! I want my treasure in heaven. I want to be used by You WHEREVER and HOWEVER You want me. I am Yours. How dare I proclaim or ASSUME how You ought to use me! Should the clay demand to the Potter? Lord, You revealed my sinful nature and absolute boldfaced arrogance that I presumed to know better than You how to use me and how to pronounce me to the world. What is the world anyway? Everything is Yours, Master, and I am Yours too, and I love You. I am not worthy to untie Your sandals and let me never forget it. Give me Your eyes of humility. Let me see the greatness of God and the weakness of me and let me worship You in whatever form I find myself in. Thank You that You are able to guard what I have entrusted to You. Thank You that You have supplied all of my needs and that You are a good Father and are kind. Your heart is broken at our pain, but You see the big picture and that is why You are God and we are not. Thank You for taking care of me all of these years. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.
posted by An Ordinary Christian | 9:45 PM
6 Comments:
Andrea, yes I need to know God better, not having problems fixed as well. Thanks for the reminder.
Wow! What a revelation of Him! I am so blessed to have surfed over from sweeterthanever to read this post. So many waste their lives never seeing this truth...He is ALL and in all!
amen! that was wonderful Andrea!
this has really helped me today. it was a blessing and so are you.
If I had wanted to, I couldn't have tapped into what's happening in my life better than how you've done it here. You nailed it! We are so much alike in our search for answers, and I love that you're able to dissect and understand God's message. You are a huge blessing!
May God bless you all - my friends in Christ!
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