Is this just another day?
I am filled with such desire that I have – that I want to get it out on this blog. I want to shout in the streets and down the hall of the hospital and I want to call people up on their cell phones. But no. I am going to show patience on one hand on and on the other to fight the fight of faith.
Paul said, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course,” and what lied ahead of him was a crown, not only for him but for all who loves His appearing.
“But I know Whom I have believed, and I persuaded that He is able to protect that which I have entrusted to Him against that day.” I love that verse! The Lord first gave that to me in medical school. My old Pastor Bob Hoekstra said that it his sermon that I heard after I moved to Philadelphia, while listening to tape while walking my dogs. I heard that verse and played it again and again and hoped and believed that it was true for me. Because for me it was not clear whether I would make it or not - if I was going to become a doctor or not. But what do you know, God uses the foolish and the weak things of this world to profound the wise, and He continues to use me in a way that is similar this day.
At the hospital people did not initially think of me as a Medical Director. But I am being used as a very good Medical Director because it is not me who is successful or working but Christ in me. Paul said something to the effect as this: “For unto me this grace has been given (that I may preach the gospel) and I have worked harder than all the other apostles, yet not I but the grace of God that is in me."
This past week and weeks has been so intense with the problems of the hospital. “Whom the Lord loves He chastens,” and I think that it has to do with hospitals also. Yesterday cumulated with an intense session by government surveyors, which went … okay, but not that good but not bad either and I guess things are okay, but there is still more (unexpected) waiting to occur.
I was feeling a little out of sorts and got to talk and pray with my friend Marilyn Friday at 4:30 PM, as just the right time, who helped me to become re-established in God at that time. Then last night there was a dinner of sorts at a sports bar for the upper management people and I thought that I was ready for that. But it was so difficult really.
This morning I know I was out of sorts again. I cried (literally) unto the Lord as I have been doing for weeks now regarding our sin and the sin of our hospital and the leaders and it just struck me as terribly sad and so fully reasonable that there would be a problem with the blessing of God upon this sinful people. The people at the upper management hospital are not particularly more sinful, per say, than just regular people. They are just of the world. People who cheapen God’s creation by being carried away by their lusts. But for the grace of God go I as well.
So anyway, God was so beautiful to me this morning and gave me a promise from His Word right away. Psalm 40:1 says that “I waited patiently for the Lord and He turned to me and heard my cry.”
God is so personal and merciful and He was very specific in the manner that He showed me that this verse was for me and the hospital. His mercy triumphs over judgment. He longs to be merciful but our sins have separated us from Him. Well, while I was sad and broken about our plight of the hospital and seeing the unreasonableness that God would bless us and God reached down and declared that He will bless us. I am so thankful that my God is alive and personal! It remineded me of the pride filled man and the man who knew he was wretched as they prayed for God's mercy, and He heard the man who cried out for mercy and who saw his sin.
Today I felt quite drained, yet very motivated to work at hospital things, like a fire burns in me. A passion is in me to move things into correction where there is error, to take advantage of God’s grace and moving, to tap into what God Himself is doing, to be His workmanship, to count everything as loss because of the excellency of knowing Christ my Lord.
This morning I was thinking about my role with the hospital and my role in past years with my husband and children, and although I have always wanted to be a leader, and I guess I am an (unexpected) leader, really, I am an intercessor. That is the role that I think best describes my life in Christ. To feel the pull of something that is not right and to go to God and sit there with Him and wait in pain until things are put right.
I can not wait to go to heaven. Today is a hard day. It is hard because of several reasons. First, I miss my family who are away and whom I have been called away from too often while God is doing His own other thing through them without my apparent help of needing to be constantly present, and that is a pressure. I have a pressure from some reports that are late that I am to dictate. I have other pressures that are day to day. Currently I have a pressure that I want to think up and write out big reports about where our hospital needs to go next. That is what I intend and desire to do over the next four hours. I am writing this blog first because I am trying to get these things off of my chest and to burn off some of this energy, maybe then “tone” won’t come in my email reports.
I am not angry towards my co-workers in leadership, but disappointed. Also it is difficult for me because where my boss and I had been like one on so many fronts, we are not one when it comes to what I think is an appropriate example of leadership in socializing. You know, there are things of the world that are stupid and unnecessary and I hope never to copy those habits and copying them are unnecessary. Again, there was not some significant sin really. Just worldly folly. It is so frustrating.
“Labor to show yourself approved unto God, a worker that need not be ashamed.”
Paul said, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course,” and what lied ahead of him was a crown, not only for him but for all who loves His appearing.
“But I know Whom I have believed, and I persuaded that He is able to protect that which I have entrusted to Him against that day.” I love that verse! The Lord first gave that to me in medical school. My old Pastor Bob Hoekstra said that it his sermon that I heard after I moved to Philadelphia, while listening to tape while walking my dogs. I heard that verse and played it again and again and hoped and believed that it was true for me. Because for me it was not clear whether I would make it or not - if I was going to become a doctor or not. But what do you know, God uses the foolish and the weak things of this world to profound the wise, and He continues to use me in a way that is similar this day.
At the hospital people did not initially think of me as a Medical Director. But I am being used as a very good Medical Director because it is not me who is successful or working but Christ in me. Paul said something to the effect as this: “For unto me this grace has been given (that I may preach the gospel) and I have worked harder than all the other apostles, yet not I but the grace of God that is in me."
This past week and weeks has been so intense with the problems of the hospital. “Whom the Lord loves He chastens,” and I think that it has to do with hospitals also. Yesterday cumulated with an intense session by government surveyors, which went … okay, but not that good but not bad either and I guess things are okay, but there is still more (unexpected) waiting to occur.
I was feeling a little out of sorts and got to talk and pray with my friend Marilyn Friday at 4:30 PM, as just the right time, who helped me to become re-established in God at that time. Then last night there was a dinner of sorts at a sports bar for the upper management people and I thought that I was ready for that. But it was so difficult really.
This morning I know I was out of sorts again. I cried (literally) unto the Lord as I have been doing for weeks now regarding our sin and the sin of our hospital and the leaders and it just struck me as terribly sad and so fully reasonable that there would be a problem with the blessing of God upon this sinful people. The people at the upper management hospital are not particularly more sinful, per say, than just regular people. They are just of the world. People who cheapen God’s creation by being carried away by their lusts. But for the grace of God go I as well.
So anyway, God was so beautiful to me this morning and gave me a promise from His Word right away. Psalm 40:1 says that “I waited patiently for the Lord and He turned to me and heard my cry.”
God is so personal and merciful and He was very specific in the manner that He showed me that this verse was for me and the hospital. His mercy triumphs over judgment. He longs to be merciful but our sins have separated us from Him. Well, while I was sad and broken about our plight of the hospital and seeing the unreasonableness that God would bless us and God reached down and declared that He will bless us. I am so thankful that my God is alive and personal! It remineded me of the pride filled man and the man who knew he was wretched as they prayed for God's mercy, and He heard the man who cried out for mercy and who saw his sin.
Today I felt quite drained, yet very motivated to work at hospital things, like a fire burns in me. A passion is in me to move things into correction where there is error, to take advantage of God’s grace and moving, to tap into what God Himself is doing, to be His workmanship, to count everything as loss because of the excellency of knowing Christ my Lord.
This morning I was thinking about my role with the hospital and my role in past years with my husband and children, and although I have always wanted to be a leader, and I guess I am an (unexpected) leader, really, I am an intercessor. That is the role that I think best describes my life in Christ. To feel the pull of something that is not right and to go to God and sit there with Him and wait in pain until things are put right.
I can not wait to go to heaven. Today is a hard day. It is hard because of several reasons. First, I miss my family who are away and whom I have been called away from too often while God is doing His own other thing through them without my apparent help of needing to be constantly present, and that is a pressure. I have a pressure from some reports that are late that I am to dictate. I have other pressures that are day to day. Currently I have a pressure that I want to think up and write out big reports about where our hospital needs to go next. That is what I intend and desire to do over the next four hours. I am writing this blog first because I am trying to get these things off of my chest and to burn off some of this energy, maybe then “tone” won’t come in my email reports.
I am not angry towards my co-workers in leadership, but disappointed. Also it is difficult for me because where my boss and I had been like one on so many fronts, we are not one when it comes to what I think is an appropriate example of leadership in socializing. You know, there are things of the world that are stupid and unnecessary and I hope never to copy those habits and copying them are unnecessary. Again, there was not some significant sin really. Just worldly folly. It is so frustrating.
“Labor to show yourself approved unto God, a worker that need not be ashamed.”
posted by An Ordinary Christian | 3:31 PM
2 Comments:
Your disappointment is easy to read and see. I can also see your concerns about your hospital and its management. Something else I am reading between the lines of the past few posts: you are facing some serious challenges in your new position and you want to keep your good reputation. Beside your genuine concern for the salvation of your co-workers you are also a little peeved w/ their inconsistencies. You are in my prayers.
Your words about being an intercessor rang very true and important for me personally this morning.
Leaning too much on my own understanding lately.
Thank you.
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