Another Installment in an Occasional Series: "My Food and My Body"
I take advantage of a secret escape when I am away on buisness trips. I go to the Spa and get pampered. Well, this indulgence doesn’t have to be “secret,” because my husband – well, it isn’t like he cares if I go get pampered up. Heck, he probably likes it, and he sees the bill on my American Express card anyway, but I doubt that he reads the itemized list of entries.
While I was at the Marriot’s spa and salon modestly named, “Hair Salon,” I picked up a junkie magazine – another secret occasional indulgence that I read while I am at such places. I read an article of a woman who lost 100 pounds 10 years ago and has kept it off. I read another article about how to seduce a man - either to get him to love you, or to get him into bed.
Reading these two articles reminded me of what happened to me about five years ago. Then, I got an irresistible urge to get up from my manicure, shout “Enough!” and put my hands boldly in front of me like the singers I saw once on TV 100 hundred years ago who put their hands out in front of them while they sang, “Stop, in the name of love.”
I wanted to get up and go the the hotel’s business center and pay the 0.25 cents per minute to write on my blog. I resisted the immediate urge to yell at the lovely lady, who after all, did I very nice job on my toes and fingers, and wouldn’t have understood my antics. Thankfully, I got this urge at the very end of the manicure, so I just patiently waited until I was released to go.
So, this is it. The next installment in the occasional series, that I started last December.
Five years ago it suddenly hit me. Yeah, I knew that I was fat, but I also knew that my husband loved me and that I was successful overall as a person. It dawned on me that I could be sexy. That was a new idea. Sexy even though fat. I wasn't even sexy while I had been thin, not really, not much to speak of. I wanted to become the type of woman who knew who she was with her husband, even though fat. I reflected that, in movies and I think even in real life, that I had seen somewhat older, vuluptuous women act and be sexy. So, I thought to myself that I wanted to become that sort of person for my husband and, whaa laaa, it worked. That wasn’t hard at all. (Oh, oh…won’t go there.)
Okay. Time for a tangent. Stay tuned for the second half of “My Food and My Body,” just after I get done with this next thought, that sort of relates to the topic at hand, and pulls together some of the earlier happenings as well.
I had a sort of, well, I had a sort of new-spiritual realization since I’ve been here and that is this. You may remember, if you read "Adventures" at that time, that while I was fasting that I felt so ugly in my “self-righteousness.” It was like at that time that I realized I was covered with a slime called, “self-righteousness,” but didn’t know how to get it off me. Well, there was a moral conflict that happened when I first got here in Maiami, and it made me search about what to do in a certain situation. It occurred to me that I couldn’t “tithe a tenth of my cumin seed,” (Jesus – New Testament, you had to be there, so to speak - that is, have read it-), because I just couldn’t measure it out. That, my friend, is an analogy. What I mean to say, more clearly, is that I just couldn’t contort myself enough to figure out how to precisely do what I thought was the “right” thing to do. Then it hit me, that some laws are, like impossible, and, that, is like the point. The LAW is a tutor to lead us to Christ. For example, “Obey the Sabbath.” Whether you hold a traditional view of what that means, or a “today’s new day of grace” view of that commandment, one glaring reality remains. How, my friend, do you exactly “achieve” that perpectly? Well, if you try to actually ACHIEVE fulfilling that, then you miss the point and the reality, that though it is a good intention to try to do it, and although we are not to intentionally sin so that grace might increase (Romans), the point is that we CAN NOT ACHIEVE it.
I learned this: Self-righteousness is holding the false belief that you can, in fact, live up to the standard. Humility is realizing that you can’t tithe a tenth of your cumin seed, you can’t fulfill the LAW, and although you may enjoy joy in doing the right thing, don’t think that you are something special for doing it. Don’t think that you are doing anything worhy. Don't think that you can actually do it. Don't judge your brother for seeing a rated PG 13 (or worse) movie, or having a drink. That doesn't mean that you promote those things, you understand, that is, if you can. It is pretty difficult to grasp. It is, after all, slimy.
Take Jesus, for example, he just hung with the sinners. The drunks and the prostitutes. They didn’t feel put-off by Him at all, but comfortable. He wasn’t dirty for being with them.
For me, this moral conflict I found myself in lead me to realize that my sin was not in not tithing a tenth of my cumin seed. My sin was the belief that I thought that I could. When I gave up the slime of self-righteousness, I thought to myself that others were going to judge me if I didn’t have that slime-coat on. Then I realized, no, I was going to no longer going to falsely hold myself to some shifting shadow of an ideal. That is, if God would please help remove the slime-coat, and help keep it off.
I am reminded of Billy Graham. When he did that New York crusade, he made a comment that Bill Clinton could travel the country as an evangelist while Hilary Clinton ran the country. All the religious people were up in arms. Did they realize the position that they found themselves in, against the grace of Billy Graham and on the side of the religious Pharisees? So Billy was judged, and misunderstood, all for being gracious, and not uptight.
Okay, let’s take it back then. That’s right. That joke. I’ll leave it in. Oh, I am so embarrased, but it did just slip out. Well, let’s move on.
As a fat woman in my very late 30’s, I realized that I could just be sexy, even though I was fat. When that happened, I divorced the way that I felt on the inside from the way that my body looked on the outside. That really is possible. Looking sexy and “feeling good about yourself,” really does not have to be dependent upon your weight. Divorcing these two notions, the way that I felt about myself, the projection of that “self-”confidence from the number of pounds that I was on the scale, was the first step towards being able to actually live in the little body once the weight was actually off. (No, you may not think that I have a little body, but after shedding 65 or so pounds, there sure felt like there was nothing left to hide behind.)
So, if you are not married, do not try to seduce a man into bed. If you are eligible to get married, you may seduce a man to love you, if God leads you. (Just remember Ruth, now that was bold). If you are married, remember all of the women who read magazines instructing them how to seduce a man, and try to make life a little interesting for your poor husband who is avoiding eye contact with all of them. If he doesn't avoid eye contact with all of them, seek God for wisdom, and don't be self-righteous. You don't sin by pleasing your husband, but you may be in sin if you don't/aren't. If you are married, you do have my permission to occasionally read such trashy magazines that teach such stuff, if and only if, you only use it in order to learn how to be an interesting wife. Enjoy yourself and have a little fun being a woman.
While I was at the Marriot’s spa and salon modestly named, “Hair Salon,” I picked up a junkie magazine – another secret occasional indulgence that I read while I am at such places. I read an article of a woman who lost 100 pounds 10 years ago and has kept it off. I read another article about how to seduce a man - either to get him to love you, or to get him into bed.
Reading these two articles reminded me of what happened to me about five years ago. Then, I got an irresistible urge to get up from my manicure, shout “Enough!” and put my hands boldly in front of me like the singers I saw once on TV 100 hundred years ago who put their hands out in front of them while they sang, “Stop, in the name of love.”
I wanted to get up and go the the hotel’s business center and pay the 0.25 cents per minute to write on my blog. I resisted the immediate urge to yell at the lovely lady, who after all, did I very nice job on my toes and fingers, and wouldn’t have understood my antics. Thankfully, I got this urge at the very end of the manicure, so I just patiently waited until I was released to go.
So, this is it. The next installment in the occasional series, that I started last December.
Five years ago it suddenly hit me. Yeah, I knew that I was fat, but I also knew that my husband loved me and that I was successful overall as a person. It dawned on me that I could be sexy. That was a new idea. Sexy even though fat. I wasn't even sexy while I had been thin, not really, not much to speak of. I wanted to become the type of woman who knew who she was with her husband, even though fat. I reflected that, in movies and I think even in real life, that I had seen somewhat older, vuluptuous women act and be sexy. So, I thought to myself that I wanted to become that sort of person for my husband and, whaa laaa, it worked. That wasn’t hard at all. (Oh, oh…won’t go there.)
Okay. Time for a tangent. Stay tuned for the second half of “My Food and My Body,” just after I get done with this next thought, that sort of relates to the topic at hand, and pulls together some of the earlier happenings as well.
I had a sort of, well, I had a sort of new-spiritual realization since I’ve been here and that is this. You may remember, if you read "Adventures" at that time, that while I was fasting that I felt so ugly in my “self-righteousness.” It was like at that time that I realized I was covered with a slime called, “self-righteousness,” but didn’t know how to get it off me. Well, there was a moral conflict that happened when I first got here in Maiami, and it made me search about what to do in a certain situation. It occurred to me that I couldn’t “tithe a tenth of my cumin seed,” (Jesus – New Testament, you had to be there, so to speak - that is, have read it-), because I just couldn’t measure it out. That, my friend, is an analogy. What I mean to say, more clearly, is that I just couldn’t contort myself enough to figure out how to precisely do what I thought was the “right” thing to do. Then it hit me, that some laws are, like impossible, and, that, is like the point. The LAW is a tutor to lead us to Christ. For example, “Obey the Sabbath.” Whether you hold a traditional view of what that means, or a “today’s new day of grace” view of that commandment, one glaring reality remains. How, my friend, do you exactly “achieve” that perpectly? Well, if you try to actually ACHIEVE fulfilling that, then you miss the point and the reality, that though it is a good intention to try to do it, and although we are not to intentionally sin so that grace might increase (Romans), the point is that we CAN NOT ACHIEVE it.
I learned this: Self-righteousness is holding the false belief that you can, in fact, live up to the standard. Humility is realizing that you can’t tithe a tenth of your cumin seed, you can’t fulfill the LAW, and although you may enjoy joy in doing the right thing, don’t think that you are something special for doing it. Don’t think that you are doing anything worhy. Don't think that you can actually do it. Don't judge your brother for seeing a rated PG 13 (or worse) movie, or having a drink. That doesn't mean that you promote those things, you understand, that is, if you can. It is pretty difficult to grasp. It is, after all, slimy.
Take Jesus, for example, he just hung with the sinners. The drunks and the prostitutes. They didn’t feel put-off by Him at all, but comfortable. He wasn’t dirty for being with them.
For me, this moral conflict I found myself in lead me to realize that my sin was not in not tithing a tenth of my cumin seed. My sin was the belief that I thought that I could. When I gave up the slime of self-righteousness, I thought to myself that others were going to judge me if I didn’t have that slime-coat on. Then I realized, no, I was going to no longer going to falsely hold myself to some shifting shadow of an ideal. That is, if God would please help remove the slime-coat, and help keep it off.
I am reminded of Billy Graham. When he did that New York crusade, he made a comment that Bill Clinton could travel the country as an evangelist while Hilary Clinton ran the country. All the religious people were up in arms. Did they realize the position that they found themselves in, against the grace of Billy Graham and on the side of the religious Pharisees? So Billy was judged, and misunderstood, all for being gracious, and not uptight.
Okay, let’s take it back then. That’s right. That joke. I’ll leave it in. Oh, I am so embarrased, but it did just slip out. Well, let’s move on.
As a fat woman in my very late 30’s, I realized that I could just be sexy, even though I was fat. When that happened, I divorced the way that I felt on the inside from the way that my body looked on the outside. That really is possible. Looking sexy and “feeling good about yourself,” really does not have to be dependent upon your weight. Divorcing these two notions, the way that I felt about myself, the projection of that “self-”confidence from the number of pounds that I was on the scale, was the first step towards being able to actually live in the little body once the weight was actually off. (No, you may not think that I have a little body, but after shedding 65 or so pounds, there sure felt like there was nothing left to hide behind.)
So, if you are not married, do not try to seduce a man into bed. If you are eligible to get married, you may seduce a man to love you, if God leads you. (Just remember Ruth, now that was bold). If you are married, remember all of the women who read magazines instructing them how to seduce a man, and try to make life a little interesting for your poor husband who is avoiding eye contact with all of them. If he doesn't avoid eye contact with all of them, seek God for wisdom, and don't be self-righteous. You don't sin by pleasing your husband, but you may be in sin if you don't/aren't. If you are married, you do have my permission to occasionally read such trashy magazines that teach such stuff, if and only if, you only use it in order to learn how to be an interesting wife. Enjoy yourself and have a little fun being a woman.
posted by An Ordinary Christian | 4:22 PM
3 Comments:
Very interesting post Andrea. Sounds like you're having some relaxing and enjoyable time in Miani. Good for you!
"Have a little fun being a woman"
WOW!
This statement is so interesting :)
Enjoy yourself :)
Andrea! You never cease to amaze me and make me laugh!! I am not feeling too well and won't be blogging for a few days but I did enjoy this post. Hope you are having a wonderful time.
If you will email my son and see what he needs to change your template, I know he has been working on it, so email Eddie@ti.com and just tell him you are Ordinary Christian and he will know you. Take care, much hugs and prayers!!
Post a Comment
<< Home