Holding nothing back
Should I talk about the fears that I had, the doubts, or where I am at now, at this moment? How about where I am at, at this precious moment in time. Okay, that I will.
ACTS 21:24 "...I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given to me." Paul said that.
He also spoke of not yet being perfect, but that he presses on unto the high calling of Christ, who called him (Phil chapter 3: around verse 14).
I am not perfect (of course), and I fail (of course). I press on, but then I doubt and feel dumb, humiliated.
There is a feeling of humiliation that I have when I am totally surrended to Christ, and am doing something that I wouldn't normally do, but do anyway for the sake of Christ. There is a place of vulnerability there, and neediness and foolishness and humiliation. But then I can just surround myself with the knowledge of Christ, realize that "if (since) God is for us, who can be against us" (Romans 8:31). So who cares if I am dumb, foolish and feel humiliated.
"Those who trust in Him will NEVER be put to shame."
He isn't the one humiliating us. HE is for us. Let us press on.
There is so much that I want to do. I want to clean my house. I want to get done about 15 hours worth of these work reports that I want to do, I want to mail some packages, write a thank-you note, catch up on dictations, join the blog Bible Study, pray and seek God, read two or three books that interest me, begin writing the book again that is about my grandmother's life, that is shelved right now, yet she is so old and what information will be lost forever when she dies that I should get now, yet I have already gotten so much, and what about my mother's story too? I want to do exercise, fix my bike, get a years worth of banking statements up to date, write a letter to my oldest son, learn how to use my digital camera, call the Verizon people to fix the software on my fancy phone.
Yes, there is so much that I want to do. There is a lot that I do not want to do. I do not want to watch football, get drunk, use drugs, laugh as a waste of time with people who are going to hell and are laughing along the way and are blind (that is hanging with them so as to be like them).
"But one thing is important and Mary has chosen that, and it will not be taken from her," Jesus said to Martha.
Okay. I will spend time with Jesus in prayer in worship. I will meditate upon His word. I will walk step by step and moment by moment and day by day. He will show me what to do, where to go, what to say. Jesus didn't seem to worry. HE just did whatever the Lord showed Him to do. HE slept in the boat when the disciples thought they were going to drown, forgetting that He said, "Let's go to the other side of the lake." Forgetting that the Lord of glory was there with them. Why were they worried?
So Lord, I lay down all of these things on my to-do list. I have always had a long to-do list. Why am I troubled by it now? I guess that I do worry and I don't need to. I just need to walk with You.
I am worried about this fast so much, because the last time I tried to fast for days, it was horrible in so many ways. There was intese spiritual warfare and I felt sick and practically laid in bed the whole time. I don't want that to happen. I do want You to show me things, but I know that my motives are impure. I am impure. Yet I know that You forgive me, You know that and You want to use me anyway.
So Lord, I give myself to You. I do know that I count my life as nothing because I surrender it to You at this time. All my dreams for self-redemption, that I could make something great out of myself, that would redeem myself. You will make something great out of myself for Your glory and pleasure and eternal fellowship with this child. I can rest in You and sleep while You take me to the other side of the lake.
I want to hear You more, but I don't want to honor experiences, I want to honor You. I don't want to look for signs, I want to walk hand in hand with You upon Your road, fellowshiping with You. I want to worship You with my life.
I know that You will use me to be of increasing service to others because this is Your will for all of us, through our sanctification. Help me to be the wife, the mother, the doctor and the friend that You have called me to be. Help our finances to work out, and that You would bless my husband and his abilities - make them Your abilities. Help him to be one with You in increasing measure, increase his faith and actions on Your behalf.
Bless each one of the precious children that You have bestowed upon me. Oh my heavens, Lord, open wide Your heavens and declare "I AM THE LORD WHO LIVES AND REIGNS" with their lives. And make Your testimony great with this family unit, that all who see would know that You are a God who has been the Lord and ruler of my life. Is Matt my son? Is Brent my son? I will wait upon Your will, but Oh my goodness, what wonderful thing that You seem to be doing. What gift have You called me to? What great thing are You doing in Matt's life? Did You call me, like a bird from a far to be this boy's Mom? What a blessing to marvel at the wonders that You are doing now in and through this situation, too many to name - oh that a work of the Almighty God is occuring.
Lord, help me in my body, to possess it with the power and authority of Christ. Grant me wisdom. Be with my blog friends who are joining me on this prayer and fast. Be with the church at CCLC who are praying and fasting for the Africa trip. Be with those other missionaries that Corry and Casey are praying about. Be with the many written needs on the prayer list both at blogland and at my Bible Study. Go with me today in strength and power, that I would be well today and not sick and that You would be the determiner of my fate. Amen. Got to go, love y'all.
ACTS 21:24 "...I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given to me." Paul said that.
He also spoke of not yet being perfect, but that he presses on unto the high calling of Christ, who called him (Phil chapter 3: around verse 14).
I am not perfect (of course), and I fail (of course). I press on, but then I doubt and feel dumb, humiliated.
There is a feeling of humiliation that I have when I am totally surrended to Christ, and am doing something that I wouldn't normally do, but do anyway for the sake of Christ. There is a place of vulnerability there, and neediness and foolishness and humiliation. But then I can just surround myself with the knowledge of Christ, realize that "if (since) God is for us, who can be against us" (Romans 8:31). So who cares if I am dumb, foolish and feel humiliated.
"Those who trust in Him will NEVER be put to shame."
He isn't the one humiliating us. HE is for us. Let us press on.
There is so much that I want to do. I want to clean my house. I want to get done about 15 hours worth of these work reports that I want to do, I want to mail some packages, write a thank-you note, catch up on dictations, join the blog Bible Study, pray and seek God, read two or three books that interest me, begin writing the book again that is about my grandmother's life, that is shelved right now, yet she is so old and what information will be lost forever when she dies that I should get now, yet I have already gotten so much, and what about my mother's story too? I want to do exercise, fix my bike, get a years worth of banking statements up to date, write a letter to my oldest son, learn how to use my digital camera, call the Verizon people to fix the software on my fancy phone.
Yes, there is so much that I want to do. There is a lot that I do not want to do. I do not want to watch football, get drunk, use drugs, laugh as a waste of time with people who are going to hell and are laughing along the way and are blind (that is hanging with them so as to be like them).
"But one thing is important and Mary has chosen that, and it will not be taken from her," Jesus said to Martha.
Okay. I will spend time with Jesus in prayer in worship. I will meditate upon His word. I will walk step by step and moment by moment and day by day. He will show me what to do, where to go, what to say. Jesus didn't seem to worry. HE just did whatever the Lord showed Him to do. HE slept in the boat when the disciples thought they were going to drown, forgetting that He said, "Let's go to the other side of the lake." Forgetting that the Lord of glory was there with them. Why were they worried?
So Lord, I lay down all of these things on my to-do list. I have always had a long to-do list. Why am I troubled by it now? I guess that I do worry and I don't need to. I just need to walk with You.
I am worried about this fast so much, because the last time I tried to fast for days, it was horrible in so many ways. There was intese spiritual warfare and I felt sick and practically laid in bed the whole time. I don't want that to happen. I do want You to show me things, but I know that my motives are impure. I am impure. Yet I know that You forgive me, You know that and You want to use me anyway.
So Lord, I give myself to You. I do know that I count my life as nothing because I surrender it to You at this time. All my dreams for self-redemption, that I could make something great out of myself, that would redeem myself. You will make something great out of myself for Your glory and pleasure and eternal fellowship with this child. I can rest in You and sleep while You take me to the other side of the lake.
I want to hear You more, but I don't want to honor experiences, I want to honor You. I don't want to look for signs, I want to walk hand in hand with You upon Your road, fellowshiping with You. I want to worship You with my life.
I know that You will use me to be of increasing service to others because this is Your will for all of us, through our sanctification. Help me to be the wife, the mother, the doctor and the friend that You have called me to be. Help our finances to work out, and that You would bless my husband and his abilities - make them Your abilities. Help him to be one with You in increasing measure, increase his faith and actions on Your behalf.
Bless each one of the precious children that You have bestowed upon me. Oh my heavens, Lord, open wide Your heavens and declare "I AM THE LORD WHO LIVES AND REIGNS" with their lives. And make Your testimony great with this family unit, that all who see would know that You are a God who has been the Lord and ruler of my life. Is Matt my son? Is Brent my son? I will wait upon Your will, but Oh my goodness, what wonderful thing that You seem to be doing. What gift have You called me to? What great thing are You doing in Matt's life? Did You call me, like a bird from a far to be this boy's Mom? What a blessing to marvel at the wonders that You are doing now in and through this situation, too many to name - oh that a work of the Almighty God is occuring.
Lord, help me in my body, to possess it with the power and authority of Christ. Grant me wisdom. Be with my blog friends who are joining me on this prayer and fast. Be with the church at CCLC who are praying and fasting for the Africa trip. Be with those other missionaries that Corry and Casey are praying about. Be with the many written needs on the prayer list both at blogland and at my Bible Study. Go with me today in strength and power, that I would be well today and not sick and that You would be the determiner of my fate. Amen. Got to go, love y'all.
posted by An Ordinary Christian | 7:44 AM
5 Comments:
Hi, where is the blog Bible Study?
Andrea, may God give you strength, lead and guide you. May He give you peace in the knowledge that He will provide what you need and is with you. May you find comfort in His arms and may He bless you richly.
My prayers are with you.
God's Grace.
You're overwhelming yourself with too many things. Start with one at a time. Call the Verizon people!
And drink plenty of water. Get flavored(no sugar! no carbonation!)
Stay away from coffee or tea. The caffiene will make you nuts!
Thanks for praying for my family. I still haven't heard whether they've arrived safely but then again email isn't exactly something readily available in PNG until they arrive at their own houses!
I will let my son know the colors and what you would like on your blog and see what he comes up with. Send me your info again on my email at chuckndanarenz@aol.com and I will forward it to him, then I will give him the picture of you and see if he can come up with a cartoon, I am sure he will do something that will surprise us both.
You don't need to give him anything, I told him I felt you were a close friend although we have never met, then I asked if he would do it.
He was asking me where I got the name Live, Love and Laugh, I was sharing with him, I had seen it as a teenager somewhere and I had always loved the saying, so I adopted it. I was telling him about the mirror you sent me. That was so sweet of you!!!
As soon as he gets the template done, I will let you know and you can ck it out, then you can see if you want to make any changes or if you like it.
Have a wonderful day in the Lord and may you find Jesus near every day this year!!
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