Sustained

Have you ever heard of that Christian song that has a phrase in it, "I"m sustained." In Christ, I'm sustained.

Earlier this week and in fact for the past few weeks I have been a bit worried about doing the walk-through the house with the social worker, because our house was, like, messy. (Too green - let's change that) So, I prayed that our house would be in order when the social worker did the walk-through the house. I was relieved when the social worker informed me that he was only going to be looking for anything that may present a danger.

When I grew up, my mother liked to share with me the horror she would feel over the fact that at "any moment" the social worker from the Catholic Charities Adoption Agency would drop in on her, and she was always on the look-out for that, for a number of years while we were babies, since my brother and I were both adopted as infants.

I found myself becoming worried as well about the social worker scanning our home, like a CPS investigator that we called to our house on purpose. While my mom was concerned about a hair out of place, I was concerned with a laundry room over-flowing with months of various debris - stuff tossed from the remenants of our day-to-day life, and other similar rooms with similar tales to tell. Movie ticket stubs, sunscreen, coaching player information from the last basketball season. Maybe you know.

So, as I prayed about these concerns, I laid them before the Lord. And it kept continually dawning on me that I need a whole lot more than my house to be clean enough to bring in a child into our home - a child with real "issues." I need the power of God Himself. So would I pick the power of God Himself in the life of Matt and the life of the six other members of this family or would I pick me making sure in my own strength that the laundry counter is picked up pretty?

Well, obviously, I want the former. So, I prayed for that and I appealed to God's sense of reasonableness. My prayer went something like this, "but even though I need Your working power in our family to make this whole adoption successful and to bring wholeness into Matt's life, and bring a greater dimention of Your reality to the lives of the other members of this family, Lord, can you please enable that it is not embarrassing when we are walking around the place..."

To me, it was amazing how this house has come together especially over this past week. Skipping the boring details, to me it was a bit astounding to see this house transformed. No movie studs, sunscreen or coaching paperwork on the dusty laundry room counter. No scary tales the rooms could tell all on their own. The light fixtures are even cleaned out.

So last night as I was winding down the last of the "to do's," my husband said, "What's that guy's name, Hank? You know the guy we are meeting with tomorrow?"

"You mean Luke?" I responded.

"Yeah. He called. He's sick and won't be able to come tomorrow. He'll be calling us next week."

"Oh."

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

So I did some more cleaning today. I kind of wanted to get on with other things and now I'm like stuck in mid-air.

Trying to relax in mid-air is like trying to read a magazine underwater, or something equally ridiculous.

I thought about this cancer scare some more. Know more next week. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I just hope, and now I will pray, that Luke's meeting with us is either after the scare is over and dissipated (like my spelling? How far off am I?) or is before any "bad" news has arrived, because then it really didn't happen, or hasn't happened yet.

Kind of reminds me of trying to interview for residency programs four months pregnant, as was the case for me. You know, like how do you tell the program that if they accept you as their new intern doctor, that you will arrive nine months pregnant? So, for "fun" let's pretend I do have so-called cancer. The Home Study report will sound something like, "An otherwise ideal family, is currently facing the issue that the mother-to-be has cancer."

Oh. I think it sounds very exciting. Almost as exciting as showing up for internship nine months pregnant. When I did show up, nobody told the new Attending Doctor about my "condition," which was as unmistakable as my belly-botton protruding from my protruding belly draped by the silky navy blue and white polka-dotted maternity dress, complete with ankles swelling in their state of pregnancy delight. Dr. M could only let out, "and so, when will you be needing to be excused from your duties?"

"The baby is due July 19th. I have an OB appointment today at 4:00. It's the latest I could get it." Life goes on. Life went one. In that four-year residency program, I delievered three, yes three healthy babies. (Priorities are priorities, after all.)

To me, my current life and state-of-affairs is all very God-inspiring. GOD IS MOVING AND WORKING ON MY BEHALF. NOT ONLY FOR ME BUT FOR EVERYONE THAT I KNOW AND LOVE. This is my hope. If I did have cancer, I feel sorry for everyone that is going to be concerned for me. But it will give them an opportunity to know how Christ-in-me handles this. Regarding the adoption, now we have a real fight on our hands. Now perhaps we are in a battlefield for the heart and mind and soul of two boys and a family that would gain from serving their needs. This health thing makes for some kind of excitment.

Then again. The health thing may be all about nothing. In which case, excuse me - I take it all back. Onward.

Onward Christian Soldiers marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus going on before. And now unto Him who is able to do abundantly above beyond what we can hope or imagine, to Christ who is the head of the church, unto Him be the glory forever and forever. Amen.

Re: getting one or both boys. Brent's case is on hold. So we are going towards Matt. God has to keep the door open and deliever us Matt. But I have not forgotten about Brent. I have a Bible with his name on it hidden in my nightstand drawer with a letter written to him on the inside cover, about the man I see he is to be when he grows up. Will he ever get that Bible? Right now, God knows. Currently, my husband is not yet sold on the idea of the two boys, only one. However, if it were not for my prayers and patience, we would only have two children and not four. So, my husband wanting only one boy, but then later accepting my request for two, would be completely consistant with our past history, so pray for God's will and delieverence. I want God's will. If it is God's will, then I want my husband to desire what God wants. I hope it is the both boys, and that God would deliver them into our hands, and He would heal and transform their lives, and bless all the family so much as we care for them. Also, I desire for God to bring the many, many loved ones I have into a relationship with Him, even by the upcoming experiences our family will march through in His name.

It's great to be a believer. "If you want God to use you, don't be picky how He does it" (Joyce Meyer).