Yesterday I went with my husband to his 30 year high school reunion. Getting old affects us all, doesn't it? For some people, getting old is harder than for other people.
I looked forward to getting older when I was in my twenties. Never minded a birthday until one day someone asked how old I was, and I said that I was 37 years old. We began talking and I realized that I was actually 38 years old and I was having another birthday soon! Anxiety, fear and a touch of horror struck. Soon I would be 40.
I remember looking in the mirror and realizing I could no longer depend upon the gifts of innocent beauty and youth.
My mom loved the way I looked as a youth. She told me that she really wasn't ready to adopt another child when the agency called, but my mother explained that I was described to be very beautiful.
My mom used to try to dress and primp me up like her Shirley Temple doll and I resisted and rebelled like Helen Keller in her first training lessons with Anne Sullivan.
As I looked in the mirror approaching my 40th birthday, it did not lie or distort the truth. I was obese and my face no longer held much beauty, frankly.
I minimized my looks for years - didn't often wear make-up or flaunting clothing. On the other hand, I assumed what my mother said was true. That I was beautiful and I kept that power hidden in my back pocket of my confidence.
In my 30's and 40's, I couldn't lose weight on my own, but I knew God was powerful enough to enable me to lose weight. It was a spiritual battle of months and years, of tears and fearless pursuits. But God was victorious. He showed me the end of myself. The weakness contained in me. The sufficency in Christ.
I have become more beautiful in recent years. I wear make-up and exercise regularly. I have discovered my body is something I manage. It is not who I am.
I am an eternal creation of God, housed in a temporary body that, unfortunately (or not) is wasting away. May God enable that spiritually I be renewed day by day like the rising sun.
I looked forward to getting older when I was in my twenties. Never minded a birthday until one day someone asked how old I was, and I said that I was 37 years old. We began talking and I realized that I was actually 38 years old and I was having another birthday soon! Anxiety, fear and a touch of horror struck. Soon I would be 40.
I remember looking in the mirror and realizing I could no longer depend upon the gifts of innocent beauty and youth.
My mom loved the way I looked as a youth. She told me that she really wasn't ready to adopt another child when the agency called, but my mother explained that I was described to be very beautiful.
My mom used to try to dress and primp me up like her Shirley Temple doll and I resisted and rebelled like Helen Keller in her first training lessons with Anne Sullivan.
As I looked in the mirror approaching my 40th birthday, it did not lie or distort the truth. I was obese and my face no longer held much beauty, frankly.
I minimized my looks for years - didn't often wear make-up or flaunting clothing. On the other hand, I assumed what my mother said was true. That I was beautiful and I kept that power hidden in my back pocket of my confidence.
In my 30's and 40's, I couldn't lose weight on my own, but I knew God was powerful enough to enable me to lose weight. It was a spiritual battle of months and years, of tears and fearless pursuits. But God was victorious. He showed me the end of myself. The weakness contained in me. The sufficency in Christ.
I have become more beautiful in recent years. I wear make-up and exercise regularly. I have discovered my body is something I manage. It is not who I am.
I am an eternal creation of God, housed in a temporary body that, unfortunately (or not) is wasting away. May God enable that spiritually I be renewed day by day like the rising sun.
posted by An Ordinary Christian | 12:03 PM
3 Comments:
Thank you so much for sharing yourself in this blog O.C. As I'm sure you've noticed from my picture on my blog, weight is something that I'm still battling. Right now, with all of the pressures I have in my life, diet and exercise are about the last things I want to tackle. However, I know that if I could get a handle on my weight, I would feel more empowered to face the rest of the tough stuff life is throwing at me right now. Of course I know how to do it (I lost 85 lbs. a few years ago, but have gained back about 60 of it.) It's just finding the motivation to do it from within. I like what you said here, "I have discovered my body is something I manage. It is not who I am." I'm going to think about that one for a while tonight! Thanks for sharing and for encouraging me. Quick prayer request...as well as midterms this week, I have now picked up my sons cold and am feeling rather awful. It's going to make studying and concentrating hard if I am doped up on cold medication. Please pray for speedy healing! Hugs to you, Becky.
P.S. My husband just became a christian one month before he left us. I always said I would only marry a man of God. I disobeyed. But God is forgiving and still using it for His glory. I just need to wait for my miracle. Is your husband a christian now?
Thanks for your sharing. It is wonderful! Man looks at appearance, but God looks at our heart.
Hi OC. :) I linked to your blog via Becky.
I'm thinking we could be sisters! I, too, was adopted as an infant. (3 weeks). My parents divorced when I was in my early 20's. Wish I could claim my father's wife as a "mom" but that wasn't possible. My step-dad, however, was truly a father to me. :)
My birthfamily found me 11 years ago. Though I would have never searched for them, I'm glad that out of the deal, I have a fabulous aunt and uncle. My birthmother had already passed away before they found me.
I used to look like Shirley Temple, too, and was compared to her back in the day! I think it was the naturally curly hair that gave me the edge! :)
I know exactly what you mean ab out being able to 'lose weight on my own.' I could do it too in my 20's and 30's. Not so much in my 40's. (I'm 46) I've struggle in that dept most of my life. At 20 pounds over my ideal weight, it's really getting me down.
Anyway, sorry for such a long first comment! I was just astounded by the similarities! I enjoyed reading, and will definitely be back!
God bless~
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