exceeding faith

In the 2nd Thes. letter, Paul speaks of his being glad that their faith is growing exceedingly and their having a lot of charity. What did that feel like to them? What does it feel like to me? Does it feel like it did to Abraham when he walked out and didn't know where he was going and there met a famine? Did it feel like it did to Abigail when David and his army was coming to kill her household? Did it feel like it did to Noah, a crazy man wasting his life building a crazy boat? How did it feel to him when he was gathering the animals and everyone was mocking? Surely he felt alone. Who could any of these people really relate to? Is my faith growing exceedingly? In the multiple areas of confusion in my life, I hope so. The Bible says that the HolySpirit is like the wind. Can't tell how/where it blows. God is good. I will be still and trust God. He has never let me down. Never will. My circumstances and my own eye sight have always failed me. But I will choose His perfect peace and rest in Him. Ahhhhhhh.

Faith and Fear

Last night I took dramatic steps to cut back work. That went smoothly. Then I got afraid. But enthusiasm won out.

Last week I mailed adoption application information to "our" social worker. I haven't heard from the guy. I thought he would have called by now. Then a thought struck me at the start of the teaching portion of Bible study tonight. "What if he doesn't think we have a good family? What if he has serious concerns?" I hadn't thought of that....It scared me. I prayed God would clear my thinking. I prayed that the social worker would think good thoughts of our family. I thought about how God's purposes will stand.

We've discussed the adoption with the children. We're underway with the process, except we have to meet with "our" social worker again for a home study.

God told Noah to build. He built in faith. Faith isn't easy, but through faith and patience, we inherit His promises. This whole thing is His idea. If I didn't do it, if I turned my back, I would feel that I was sinning and my conscience would condemn me. So I proceed, looking to the Horizon, from Whenceforth comes my Help and Hope. When I am afraid, I will be still and know He is my God.

Dreams and Desires

I suppose that once I became an adult, I've been a dreamer. It is because so many of my dreams have come true. As a kid I didn't dream because nothing seemed right and I was without hope. But then hope came, and nothing has been the same.
I have had a long held goal to be a writer. I have come to the point that I don't care if anyone other than my great grandchildren read it, but I have to write it. I have so much history I have to write, and more. There are also things I want to do around the house. And, we may be having a new arrival to our home.
I've quit full-time work before, once cutting way,way back. That's what I want to do again. That's what I want to do by Christmas this year. That is my dream. My desire. Is it the Lord's desire that he implanted in me? Pray for me that He would enable His will to pass. I need His direction and FAITH.

Be Thou my vision

I listen to a tape of a choir again and again and again. It is of a 105 year old Christian boarding school in rural kentucky that two of my children attend. God appointed them to go because He is shaping them for Himself. Anyway, the tape is of their choir that travels on Sunday's 5000 miles per year to minister to various churches. My daughter is in that choir and I miss her often, so I call her, send her packages filled with food and books and I listen to the tape again and again and again.

I also really am ministered to by this precious school. Half the children there are on scholarships, simply supported by the school as they have no means to pay. They don't turn away students due to inability to pay. The staff are there because their resounding testimony is, "God has called me to minister here." That is my testimony as to why two of my children are there. I believe He is developing their spiritual gifts and using them. He is their owner.

"Be Thou my vision," encourages me to let go of what I've been clinging to a little too much. This work/nomination thing jarred me enough to see that I have become too emotionally connected with my work - that He isn't leading me to have a larger role there.. He wants me to love people but there isn't an additional ground there that I am to claim. He has other things for me,even while I work there so long as He has called me.

I was nominated at my work to be "president of medical staff." Two others were nominated also. I came in third of three. I secretly wanted to be nominated, but didn't want to pursue the position openly, because that was the way of my flesh in the days gone by. I wanted God to give me the position, not for me to rally for it. I didn't think I was going to lose. "Oh well!"

A few weeks ago I did not get offered to be a discussion leader for my Bible Study group, "Oh well!"

I want what God wants for me. I was trained up that my value is tied up in what I can do. Real satisfaction is being used and valued just for being me. That loving God and doing what He says is enough. That I'm okay the way I am. The exciting thing is that I think God is keeping the status quo in my life because He wants to do His specific plans, and that will give me joy, not trying to push myself up a ladder that is actually a shifting shadow. It is so good that God is in charge. I want Him to "ruin" all my plans, because I know the plans He has for me, to give me a future and a hope, and I trust Him.





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It is in God's hands

I mailed a very important packet today and now the results are in His hands. Except they have always been in His hands and always will. Lord, be Thou my vision, my hands and feet too, that all you would have me to do, I would do in You.

oh well!

"Oh well!"
My son says that all the time. Like, get a grip, it doesn't always go the way you want - move on with it already! This is the 3rd entry I've tried to do and I have no idea why my phone keeps erasing-oh well! Life goes on. "Lord, keep me flexible to Your will and Your ways. Shape me on Your Potter's wheel. Help me to just say,'Oh well!' and get on with it when things happen. Use my friends today. Thank You for giving me the beautiful mi

"Plane taking off on runway with no pilot!"

Jesus couldn't have been lying when He said greater things would we do. Yet we know it can only be true by His doing it through us. Don't fly the plane without the Pilot! When Jesus walked the earth, He had no limitation, but He did only those specific actions God lead Him to do. "Jesus, fly this plane! Your yoke is easy, and I'm sitting right next to You, IN YOUR REST."

This is the day that the Lord has made

Lord,
This is Your day, Your life,
These are Your hands,
Whatever You choose to do is best and right
I want to be Your instrument,
Think Your thoughts, walk Your path
I want to know You and the power of Your resurrection,
I want to know Your consolation,
See with Your eyes,
Know Your thoughts,
See from Your perspective
Everything You think is wise and right,
Every step You take is worth taking,
You are the Master Planner,
And know the grand design,
You are holy, just and good,
And I give up my life,
Like You've given up Your life for mine,
If I had the whole world,
I'd put it at Your feet,
I want my soul and its safest in Your hands,
I'm warmed within Your love,
You are fully dependable and good,
So go with me Lord
And live out Your life through me,
For Your glory for today
And for all eternity.

Part 2: THINGS SECRET, THINGS REVEALED

Tried as I might, I was not able to complete my thoughts using this "phone system" to enter my words. As I was saying, I realized it was more logical that God was revealing to me rather than a series of coincidences were occuring. Then it dawned on me that I was to be a supplier for Brent of his own creation story into our family- of God's planning and purpose over His life. God revealed to me these various facts to show Brent God's hand and purposefulness in his life. And therein lies another coincidence (that God IS bringing him into our lives) if one turns her attention to the background noise, bringing Him front and center of her view. "...while we look, not at the things that are seen, but are unseen..."

THINGS SECRET, THINGS REVEALED

"...the things revealed belong to us and our children forever, that we may follow..." Deut 29:29
I was contemplating Creation. "God saw,""God called,""God made." God plans, carries out, reveals. Since the beginning He has worked and revealed to us but like background noise, we don't notice. How He draws, develops faith, which is an eternal substance, like gold that is eternally precious. So, I was thinking about a boy named Brent, and my continual dialogue that frets aimlessly in my mind in as to how God may be using our family in his life. I reviewed once again the series of coincidences. It is more logical to believe these as the act of God's hand”

purging the old files

The book of Hebrews speaks of having our conscience purged of performing dead works to serve the living God. Dead works versus serving a God that is alive. My God is alive. He is not dead. He is risen. Trying to think it through alone with our own closed and limited minds versus seeing like a child would so as to see what God is doing, knowing our part in it and moving on with it. Fear versus faith. The here and now versus the here and eternal life. Pressing on in hope versus no hope. Laying hold of His plan versus having no plan. My God is alive and by his grace, I am walking with Him.

Give them eyes to see

At the Harvard conference the greatest teachers in their respective fields can't see their noses on their faces. They refer to evolution as though it really happened that way - ignoring the facts that demonstrate that their theory is, well, wrong. Then I read a Newsweek commentary article during my pedicure (yes, I am so enjoying my time in Boston) about that since Katrina happened, that shows there is not a God that cares due to the dying by "random events." Elsewhere in the magazine was a cartoon of a picture of the Katrina hurricane, as on a weather map with a caption, "Intelligent Design." The demonstration of these people's disbelief didn't require a huricane, or the fact that the genome in a chimp versus a human has 96 percent overlap.. These people don't believe and they use whatever circumstances as "evidence" for their position. God has made Himself known. He is knowable. He is not random. He is alive. He chooses to be subtle to nonbelievers at this time. May God draw them by His grace. He is so merciful......

"There's far too much to take in here"

By the time that I caught the Elton John song from which that lyric (above) came for the third time, my flight to Boston was nearing its end. I always liked the grandness of that song from "The Lion King." It paralleled the majesty of the lion's dominance of the movie, and in real life. But greater is the magificant grandeur of the vast depth of beauty and intrigue of all that God has made. Yes, there is far too much to take in here. Heaven is waiting for me. Or am I waiting for heaven? Yes, I think that is right. I was made for heaven and not vise versa. In heaven I hope my new body can better absorb the reality of the glory of God and all that He has made. Oh! That I will be like Him and I will see Him as He is! For today, there is far too much to take in here. Lord, let me not settle for the things of the world, the carnal, the mundane, the passing away. Let me have eyes to see beyond the superfiscial, beyond the trite, beyond all that my flesh yearns for. Let me percieve the reality that there is more here than I can see with my mere human understanding. Let me strain to see and know You. Let me be like Mary, the mother of God, who treasured up all these things in her heart. Let me be like the leper who went back to pursue Jesus after the healing, and not like the nine who went on their way. Let me be like Thomas, that upon seeing the evidence exclaimed, "my God and my Lord." Let me be like Paul, who fought the good fight and finished His course. And let me always be like the women who worshipped at Jesus' feet, undone and poured out, one by one, each fully accepted by Jesus, the All-knowing Savior of the world. Lord, worshipping You takes me out of this world and teaches me that this world is not for =

9/9/5

Esther was placed in her position for a time appointed for her and her world around her. She and her uncle knew that the circumstances were greater than their own individual plans. Sovereign (sp?) God was the chessmaster and Esther was made queen by God's design. I am but a pawn (sp?) on God's chess table, but I'd rathe be an usher in the house of the Lord than anywhere else - that is, no position is too small if I can be in God's kingdom. As an ordinary Christian, God can use me to do extraordinary things. The circumstances that God has placed all around each of us is basically Master controlled. I want to be like Esther and use my position, and be used in my position such that God can flow through me to manipulate circumstances the way He wants - to be used in circumstances greater than myself. And to do things greater than my ability.

Esther dealt with the authority (king) with grace and tact, not impulsively or rash. She sacrificed for the good of others. She had wisdom to be able to interpret the signs of the times.

Prayer: Almighty Lord God: Manipulate the circumstances around my life to suit Your desires and let me serve You with my life. Open the flood gates of heaven and act on my behalf. Help me to interpret the signs of the times and to act with tact, patience, wisdom and according to Your perfect timing. Give me grace to bless those around me, and to look at their needs rather than my own. Grant me favor to do Your will and move circumstances according to Your pleasure, glory and purpose. And if it is Your will, bring Brent home quickly, smoothly and with a great announcement of who You are: You are the Lord God who does what He wants and who loves His people. Do a great thing through my family. Give me courage and favor to imapct generations to come. Amen.

9/8/05

"Consider it all joy when you face trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith..." James
Well. What was today like? It was another day that the Lord was faithful to me,
where His hand was steadfast and His hope sure,
where His word soothed better than the food that I ate
and where the food was readily available and delicious,
where no one I know died and no one sick,
where there was money in my wallet and a smile shared between family and friends,
where the flag waved in the breeze, and the Christians I know all bowed their head freely to pray
It was a good day
A very good day
And it was a day that had enough difficulty,
and enough worry,
enough impatience
and enough grief,
enough fear
and enough sorrow
and lost hope in old dreams that have floated away like old seeds from a dandelion,
that Christ's touch
and the substance of faith
could be planted anew
in the depth of this heart,
for this day
and this hour
and this moment
that for all eternity
I may enjoy the fruits of His harvest that He has poured out into me during those moments that I was reminded,
and encouraged,
and forced,
to look to Him,
and He met me there
and we did a walk-about a bit together for awhile inthe day.

Sept 7, 2005

It is good to be back. I'm writing this on my phone again. I don't spend much time during the week on a real, actual computer, but do spend a lot of time with my phone. But it is not too convenient to write with, so being concise is appealing.

I wanted to mention how much I have enjoyed Hebrews this summer. Soon I will be back at my BSF Bible study classes, so this summer I found myself in some informal study in Hebrews. I also greatly enjoyed being changed as I have experienced the Blackaby book Experiencing God. Powerful.

I had read Hebrews several times before, but this time I didn't actually just read it straight through. I focused on select verses that really struck me, and I thought on those. More and more verses built on each other and I was struck by the similarity of themes.

Faith and entering into His rest were the major themes for me, and how those two are actually the same. Isn't it fascinating that God completed His work before the foundation of the world and how we can't actually do "work" except by entering into His rest-letting Him work. Also, the Blackaby book and Hebrews actually tied together for me in that Blackaby allowed me to see when I read Hebrews that God does the work and we join in. We enter in by faith. Also God gives us specific promises for our specific lives in addition to the general wonderful and grand promises He gives to all believers. Also, God intends us to enter into the promises He has for us specifically, and when we draw back He is not pleased and in fact we should be afraid not to turn away from Him when He wants,as He wants, to work specifically and intimately in our lives. Further, to enter that fully into God's specific promises that He has for our individual lives requires great faith that comes not from a purple puff or good feeling from the sky but from obedience-that deep inside you abandon the fear that you may be wrong and hold His hand that He is calling for you and you go to Him with all that you are and just are all out there for Him.

Sept. 3, 2005

"No discipline at the time is joyful, but painful, but those who are trained by it, yeild a harvest of righteous and peace" Heb 12:11
"Though He was a Son, He learned obedience by what He suffered." Heb 5:4
"I want to know Christ, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to the image of His death, so as to somehow attain to the resurection from the dead." Phil 3:10 (These verses are according to my memory so excuse miswordings, and I welcome and applaude corrections in the verses. I also have memory o various versions, which complicates as well. But I am trying to be faithful to the text without being so delayed that I don't write anything - I'm at the hair salon again!)
Prayer: Dear God,
Give me the courage and faith to not turn away from Your training. Let my suffering not stop me from continuing on Your path for me. Give me eyes to see Your eternal plan and purpose for my life. Help me to do whatever You call me to without waivering and while I look not at the things that are seen but the things that are not seen. Be Thou my vision. Let me make the most of every opportunity by walking by faith. Do this today for myself and my friends for Your glory, that we would bear much fruit, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Sept. 1,2005

God that is the same yesterday, tomorrow and forever,
God that is Lord of my life today,
God that is majestic and perfect,
God that is never mocked,
God of New Orleans
And God of me:
Things will be different for me now,
Because things are different in this world around me,
Life has changed again
And inside are pieces of me
that are trying to settle through
the changes that I'm going through
And where are the prayer boats?
And where are the tears for them?
And how is it I'm going on
and talking,
carrying on with the job and the kids and the mail
when an entire city has been drown and the bodies are floating and what am I doing
and how am I coping
and what will we all do tomorrow?
And so with all this on my mind,
And my Bible's been less-opened,
I thought about how hungry I am
For a good hour on my knees,
But how undeserving also,
'cause my city's not flooded,
'cause my stomach is full,
'cause my family is well,
so I guess I feel a little guilty cause I've got so many blessings,
But this is how You blessed me still:
You gave me a verse that I wasn't looking for that spoke precisely to a situation that's been bothering me, and it came with a promise too. Then You spoke to me again about something else,
And I know,
You're my God,
the same yesterday, today and forever,
the God of all of me.